an asexual evening with an old friend

So I got a text from a random number I didn’t have in my phone.  I thought it was one of my burlesque babes and I texted back an enthusiastic "you’re hanging out with me on saturday after work or else" and I said something vibrator related….then i received a mysterious "heh heh".

girls dont text "heh heh".

boys who seem asexual do though….as i would soon discover.

Thats basically when I realized I had no idea who texted me,and almost no one has my number.  The fact I had enthusiastically invited them to hang out with me meant I couldn’t ask them who they were. After several texts it turned out to be Mic.  I hadn’t see Mic in over a year.  We used to live together (he lived in my mom’s basement) but a conflict in which he was trying to bone a really mean girl who wanted to kill me and then kill herself (r-e-s-t-r-a-i-n-t find out what it means to me) led to us not hanging out.  There were never any hard feelings toward him from me.  He’s pretty chill.  Sometimes people stick their dicks in bad places, sometimes literally.

To text him an enthusiastic lets hang out message followed by a declaration about my new vibrator is a bit out of character for me.  Just a bit.  Not majorly.  I’m not not immodest.

Regardless, thank heavens for little drugs.  Cuz little drugs get bigger every day.  It was firecracker nite and I brought half my stash of mushrooms with me.  Mic, his roommate, and I chewed with some cactus honey (cuz Im classy) and wandered around town.  I won’t bore you with the hypnotic details or mind blowing changes of perspective.  I will say this, it was a hell of a lot easier to hang out with an old friend I accidently told about my vibrator woes while the statues at the war memorial were coming to life and acting foolish.

It was a good night.  I’d been invited to a party but Thai was still away on tour and I don’t fully trust myself to not get drunk and cheat because sometimes I do fucked up self destructive things and I know that (and as I said before VIBRATOR WOES).  So I avoided putting myself in a situation where I could possibly do something I’d regret forever and took shrooms and thought about how children should be raised at ninja camps.

It was good for whatever atheists have instead of souls.

We walked around town until we were so worn that while our bodies were numb to sleepiness, we could tell we were done for because it was physically impossible to walk up the stairs.  The next day all the "all you can eat" yam sushi rolls couldn’t put me back together again.  i can still feel it 2 nights later.  However I am in this weird "thing" at work.  I don’t know what to call it.  An exercise motivator?  Basically its a challenge for librarians to walk the equivalent of the distance across Canada as a team over the summer.  I forgot this was the first week.  After wandering around high for longer than it takes to consume a giant  slurpie and build a small farm in your mind I was able to claim the maximum distance for this week.  We also found some weird playground equipment perfect for fucking on (not that we did.  Mis is one of the few friends of mine I haven’t boned.  He hasn’t even seen me in my gitch.  He’s virtually a unicorn, and I like unicorns).

I think what Im trying to say is I had a productive evening Saturday.  I also found the archives I needed to locate for an assignment on my wee trip.  I had that penciled in for Sunday.  One.  Day.  Early.  Moral of this story:  If you aren’t getting shit done on your drugs you’re taking the wrong ones.

oh and the new vibrator:

a) it has a face and I didn’t notice in the store.  It took me years to cope with the fact that theres a rabbit on the rabbit.  Now theres a face and a rabbit.  It looks like a keevler elf.  A specific Keevler elf.

b) it sucks batteries.  The news about foreplay being important has been out there for sometime.  To my knowledge, there aren’t even any real men left who only "vibrate" for 10 minutes and then give up.  I mean I can get places in ten minutes if everything goes perfectly but if the dog barks at something or someone in the distance has the hiccups it takes longer.

c) I expected it to feel more akin to actual body parts.  It falls more in the category of a speculum.  Not one of my turn ons.  we can get a man to the moon…(and for that matter Men have some pretty convincing pocket pals DOT DOT DOT) *angry*