What’s wrong with a traditional family?

I’ve been wondering, lately, about the modern concept of the family.

It seems that, more and more, young people are departing from the "traditional" family concept and going towards more eclectic relationship structures.  Living-in together, living with parents and yet living together, living apart and having "open" relationships, single-parent households, multi-parent (thanks to divorce) households, and so on… all seem to be par for the course these days.

Women, especially, seem eager to test the bounds of the emancipation they’ve earned over the years.  I read an article about how Japanese women, traditionally among the most subservient on earth, are now earning their own money and delaying marriage or even considering having no marriages at all.  All over the world, women are putting their collective feet down and demanding more from their husbands, while at the same time refusing to be boxed-in to that "stay at home, cook/clean and take care of the kids" role that had been their lot in life for so long.

For the most part, this is a good thing.  I like spunky women, and I like it when they can amazingly juggle both career and family life and still seem to find time to smile now and then.  By and large, the cause of women’s rights has been advanced these past few decades, and given how stereotypically limited women had always been, I think that the world is a better place for it.

However, I can’t deny that, as a man, I do yearn for the "picket fence" kind of lifestyle.  I work hard enough as it is, and I earn enough for myself and whomever else I may end up with… so what’s wrong with wanting her not to work?  What’s wrong with wanting to go home to a warm meal, cooked by someone who loves me?  What’s wrong with having a special someone rub my tired shoulders and hug me till all the stress drains away?  And what’s wrong, especially, with expecting your wife to take care of the kids as if they were more important to her than her own career?  What’s wrong with expecting your wife to be the same hard-working, all-loving mom you had when you were growing up?

The thing is, unless you happen to be lucky enough to find a woman who wouldn’t mind all these things, you’ll usually just end up disappointed.  Many of the more militant feminists I’ve met would shoot me for even suggesting that such things would be "ideal," never mind if I don’t actually chain a woman to the house and force her, at gunpoint, to cook and clean.  Many "modern" women would call me sexist, or chauvinistic, or just plain old-fashioned.   They’d tell me to "get with the program" and learn to live with the new reality that is modern life.  If I want a wife, they may say, I’d better get used to the idea of cooking many meals on my own, and sometimes even waiting up for HER while she works late at the office.  I may need to brush up on my child-rearing skills if I want someone to marry me, as I shouldn’t expect her to cook, clean or even read bedtime stories for the kids.  It’ll be good if she can do it, but her job may dictate otherwise… and it’s MY job to understand that and to cut her some slack.

I don’t know about either of these "realities" to be honest.  I certainly can’t expect my future wife to just sit at home and be there for me whenever, and in whatever way, I need her; but neither should my wife expect me to do the same for her.  Just because billions of chauvinistic pigs have degraded women over the centuries doesn’t mean I have to now pay for their crimes by allowing her to taste what it feels like to do the same thing.

I guess what’s needed is balance.  Much as my selfish side would want her always there, my realistic side should probably realize that she won’t be half the woman she could be if all she did at home was sit around and wait for me to come home.  I’d encourage her to make something of herself… to do something she and I could be proud of, so that I could brag about how awesome she was to everyone I met.  I’d cheer her accomplishments, praise her work and celebrate her triumphs. 

But, really, a part of me is still somehow hoping without much hope that she would, after all that, just be happy to be home for me and the kids.  Is that too much to ask for these days?  Am I really an anachronistic dinosaur?

Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy cooking.  Truly.   I have over 20 different spices in my cupboard, and even 4 kinds of olive oil.  I would LOVE to cook for her and the kids.  I also clean, mop, iron, dust, vacuum, and unclog toilets.  I carry heavy things, can parallel park very well, and remember all birthdays and anniversaries.  I’m an uber-romantic who books special places months in advance, and who writes poetry just so I can find the right way to say that I love someone.  And did I mention I work so damn hard that I know I can support an entire family just on my income?

I know I can be a great husband… I guess I’m just looking for that ‘great’ wife I’ve been trained all my life to believe exists.  Alas, given how far away my concept of marriage is from what most people think it is now… I guess I’ll end up just hiding from the militant feminists most of my adult life. 🙂

I guess the world will call me selfish… but if I’m being honest, this is really what I want and I can’t deny that.  Am I so wrong for wanting the traditional family I’ve always thought was so cool?  Should I just "get with the program" and expect nothing more than the modern two-income family with kids raised by day care centers and nannies?  Or should I not even expect kids at all?

What’s an old dinosaur to do?