On fate and the choices we make

I’ve consistently maintained, over the past decade or so, that there is no such thing as "fate" or a pre-determined set of outcomes for one’s life. Even as a Catholic who believes in God, I still find it impossible to believe that God would grant human beings their freedom in an imperfect way. I mean, how would THAT conversation have gone? "Hi, human race… God here… So, I’m going to let all of you go about and do whatever you want, and be free to love me or not, but hey, some of you I’ve already decided will become saints, and others will become thieves, murderers, despots and George W. Bush."

I mean, c’mon. With the exception of Bush, whose idiocy seems either fated or just plain inevitable, everything else there would seem to really contradict the entire concept of "free to do whatever you want". Either God gave us freedom or he didn’t. I don’t see it being anything half-way. I’m kind of a religious existentialist in that regard; someone who believes in God, but who thinks that everything he has and will become depends entirely on his own choices.

But what about those times when it seems as if things were just "meant to be"? Meeting a soul mate, finding true love, discovering oil in your backyard as you plant the only tree you’ve ever planted in you life… aren’t all these signs that fate must surely be involved? Why did that car get hit in the accident, and not mine? God must love me, right? (What, God didn’t love the other guy?) Ummmm… are you kidding me? 🙂

I think that life does have those moments when we seem to be gifted with a lucky or unlucky occurence. But how we react, what choices we make, and what paths we choose to take ultimately determine what will happen to us. I don’t believe in pure, dumb luck. I believe that, if our lives have to have meaning, we shouldn’t make any important life decisions on the concept of what we are "fated" to do. Otherwise people from bad environments, with no initial money in hand, should all just give up and become criminals. It doesn’t have to be this way, really.

For instance, take that car accident example earlier. Many accidents on the road happen because people are drunk (they weren’t "fated" to drink that alcohol), sleepy (they weren’t "fated" to stay up all night watching TV), or had malfunctioning car parts, such as bad tires (they weren’t "fated" to NOT be checked-up regularly or replaced by new, more reliable tires). Many deaths are attributed to the fact that victims didn’t wear their seatbelts (they weren’t "fated" to not buckle-up). I mean, really, it’s either your fault or someone else’s fault. It’s not God’s fault.

That’s the key: not thinking of anything as "God’s fault", because thinking that way basically takes away your own power over your life. It makes you fatalistic (there’s a reason "fate" is the root word there). You give up your own independence and freedom, and you say "Oh, well… it was/wasn’t meant to be." Really now? Why/Why not?

So if your business fails, your relationship ends, your test scores come back and you’ve bombed, it might be good to stop believing that God is trying to punish you (trust me, He’s got better ways to do it, and a lot of it involves fire and brimstone…) and instead start believing in your own power over your destiny. Either work harder to change your life, or give up those things which you don’t honestly care about in the first place. There’s a reason Bill Gates is the richest man in the world right now, even though he dropped out of Harvard and never got his college diploma…. well, he dropped out of Harvard. 🙂 He took a chance, decided to control his own life, founded Microsoft and the rest, as they say, is history.

He certainly seemed "fated" to live a good life. He came from a good family and was studying in, arguably, the most famous and most prestigious university in the world. Wouldn’t his life have been just great if he had stayed, graduated, and worked for some big company, rising through the ranks as an executive and, hopefully one day, CEO?

He didn’t see it that way, though. Instead he thought, "I’ll be a CEO today!" and founded his own company, starting off with nothing but an idea and a dream, and created the company most singularly responsible for getting people to curse at their (blue) computer screens. 🙂 Now how about that for fate, eh?

Don’t believe people who say you have no control. Don’t believe people who say your life is "over". If that were true, then Tim Allen, the famous comedian and actor, wouldn’t be a multi-millionaire right now. After all, he was arrested and convicted of dealing drugs and went to prison before he even started doing comedy and acting. Prison, folks… He’s a convicted felon. Did that stop him from taking charge of his life when he got out and becoming a tremendous success? Heck, no!

Things don’t even have to be as dramatic in your own life. It could be as simple as deciding to be friendlier to everybody each day, so that maybe one day in the future one of your new friends helps you get a better job. Isn’t it obvious that the friendliest people are very often among the "luckiest" people? Or are you still moaning about that dude who got offered that job that YOU were more qualified for only because he knew, and was friends with, the boss? What, like friendship is an exclusive concept? You couldn’t be just a bit nicer and frindlier throughout your life, and not just on the day you wanted the job? Think about it.

Lastly, to those who say, "But my family isn’t rich, powerful or connected" I say the following: you may not always start out where you want, and that’s not your fault (unless babies can somehow switch wombs before birth, in which case all rich, powerful women would probably start having octuplets or something), but where you end up is ENTIRELY your fault and your own call. Abraham Lincoln never graduated from elementary school. Beethoven was almost totally deaf when he wrote his Ninth Symphony. If you want a contemporary example, how about Muhammad Yunus, the Nobel Peace Prize winner who set up the Grameen Bank, created the concept of "micro-credit" and made a positive impact on millions of lives? He didn’t need to do what he did, and he certainly wasn’t "fated" to meet with poor people. Many, many people do that everyday. The difference is he made the choice to help, and the fact that he also made previous life-choices that enabled him to get a first-rate education in economics also helped. He put himself in a real position to be able to make a difference, and he did so because he chose to do so. Many richer, more famous, more powerful people are put into contact with underprivileged people, but how many make the active choice to devote their lives to helping make a difference?

Decide what to do with your life. Do it today. Don’t waste another moment on the concept that you are meant to be the way you are. If you are happy with yourself, and totally satisfied, then fine. But how many of us really are? If there’s something, anything, that makes you unhappy or makes you wish for something better… well, CHOOSEto change it. And to those who say things like, "But my boyfriend doesn’t love me and I want him to love me!" I say, "He’s made his choice." Now it’s really up to you to decide if you want to remain in a love-less relationship or if you should move on and decide to find someone who will really care about you and respect you. Unless, of course, you believe God just wanted you to be miserable. As far as I’m concerned the only question you should be asking is "Do I want to be miserable?" Because if the answer is "no" then you ought to start walking down a different path.

After all, if you’re on the road the Hell, shouldn’t you turn around and walk the other way? =)