Funny how time changes everything

I created this diary when i was about 14, im now 22 and looking back and reading everything makes me laugh at how ridiculous i was. i had alot of emotional issues and i thought boys and socializing what the most important thing. Its a trip reading everything.

i dont think i’ll be keeping up in this just thought if i still had some loyal readers out there i’d let them know where i was in my life now. I have since graduated high school.  Had my share of drama and boys, Mike and i continued to date on and off for the next few years but nothing good ever came from it. We were trying too hard to hold on to the people we were our freshman year not the people we’ve grown up to be. I finally ended things about two years ago after realizing we would never work, we still talk occasionally, send each other the happy holiday texts but theres no room for him in my life now.

Ryan and I sadly arnt as close as we were back then, i dont know exactly when it was that we grew apart. I am very grateful that I had someone like him as a friend, i do believe he’s saved me from myself a couple times.

I do like the fact that I know after reading through this that I have definitly grown up alot, Ive become less dependent on guys and Ive built up better self esteem. The scars i carry with me remind me of how weak I once was, but how strong I now am.Im not proud of the choices Ive made in the past but Ive learned from every single one of them. I hope one day I can help some lonely teenager learn that there is more in the world than high school.

After high school I enrolled in college and was taking my general studies when Bryan and I started dating. he had moved from Nevada to Minnesota and in a two week trip home we got this wild idea to actually attempt to have a relationship, suddenly i was changing my whole life and planning on dropping everything to move across the country with someone i thought i knew simply because we had known each other our whole lifes, I jumped into it it without looking, got so caught up in it that i didnt see how different he was. He was very possesive and controlling and thats what ended it, two weeks before i was supposed to make the big move things went sour and my plans changed.

Ive been in and out of pointless relationships, ive made friends and then lost them, worked for a resturant for 4 years now im at another one and working for the school district. this is not where i want to be in my life but im working on getting there.

I have been dating my current boyfriend for a year and a half and Ive never been happier. We moved in together this last August and things have been great, Ive found someone who loves me for who I am and is caring and loving and everything i could ever ask for. Im sure I sound like a love sick teenager right now ha. But more importantly he’s become my best friend. i can talk to him about anything and everything and I believe thats the most important thing, we have each other backs through the good and the bad. We are hoping to get married one day, in the far future, we’re both young and have alot we want to do before settling down but we want the same thing.

I am not the same little lost and confused girl I used to be in this diary. Now im just a lost young adult trying to find my way in the world but loving every minute of it. Ive got great friends a loving man in my life steady job and dreams and thats just going to have to be good enough for now. For me at least it is