1st entry I guess

I’m going to be completely honest i have no idea what I’m doing.  I don’t know how I got here or why I’m here. All I do know is that I am here.

My hole day has just been a blur. No. That’s not right. My hole life is a blur. Its like that feeling you get when you wake up and try to remember a dream. The more you think about it the farther away it gets. The more unreal it seems. Or when you remember the dream but only a few parts. The most insignificant parts. That’s how I can best explain my life.

It feels like just a few hours ago I was waking up and getting ready for the day. Grabbing a hoodie, tank top and worn out jeans. Doing my hair with the least amount of effort then doing homework. not that I got that far in home work. i gave up after a wile. instead I played Netflix and got online on what ever i was using to talk to friends may that be discord or email or what ever else there is.

Now I’m reading back at this and it makes me seem really down. At least to me it dose and that’s not really what I want. In fact today was one of the best days of my life!

I was online I was talking to one of my friends. (we will call him Ori) me and him have been talking for a long wile and hes super sweet. He doesn’t treat me like a girl who’s worried about braking a nail or some helpless princess. he treats me like a person. hes not afraid to be honest with me and hes open with everything.  I was so happy talking to him. Just something about it felt so right. then things turned. I found out he had broken up with his girlfriend a wile back and he wasn’t torn down about it. they have been growing apart for a wile and they where both just waiting for the right time to brake things off. After this we talked more and more and he said a few things then out of no where said and i quote ‘omg your so innocent its adorable’. At the time I had no idea what he meant so like anyone would do I asked. and it turns out that the hole time we where talking he was putting in a few dirty jokes and relation ship jokes and flirting with me. i had no idea i was completely clueless. I have never had a guy like me or been this front up with me. I was so shocked i started to freak out i didn’t know what to do!!!!
one thing led to another and we are now dating…… I have never done something like this before and I’m so afraid I’m going to mess it up! he keeps saying all he wants me to do is be myself witch i can do but what if he ends up not liking me or like who myself is. I’m probably over reacting like i normally do but well see where this goes.