Welcome to 2007
The beginning of 2007 has gotten off to a terrible start. It began with me sitting home and studying since I had three finals that week. Then I got into a car accident, which was my fault. The guy I hit let it go because there was no damage to his car, but there was damage to mine. His hitch had punched neatly through my front bumper. I spent the next few days terrified that my parents would find out. Then I had the idea that I would simply bring in my car to the dealership to be fixed and just put the amount on my credit card and pay it off slowly.
The guy who ran the dealership called me tonight to tell me that my car would be ready tonight instead of tomorrow, which I thought was great. Mike and I rushed over to the dealership to pick up my car. After paying for it, the secretary couldn’t find my keys, and apparently everyone had gone home for the night. My car wasn’t in the lot, and then Mike made mention about it being stolen….Now I’m terrified that the dealership lost my car and now I’m out $1,052….
I get so stressed sometimes it feels as if there’s a massive weight on my chest and I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep, and then I’m overtired and I feel worse. I desperately want to go back on medication at this point….I’m so unhappy and I don’t know what to do. I feel as if everything just keeps getting worse and worse and I don’t know how to stop it…
My program also has my stomach in knots…you’d think a lowly physician assistant program wouldn’t be that rigorous…after all, it’s not like we’re doctors…Eight people failed out last semester and the director of the program spoke to everyone today telling us that more would fail out in the coming semesters…I feel ill. I worked so hard to get into the program, and I busted my ass last semester. I feel like enough is enough already. I don’t know if I can live through another year and a half of this. And if I fail out? Where do I go? What do I do? I just wasted months of my time, energy, and most importantly my and my parents’ money. I don’t have any more to pay for another program, and I don’t know if I have the desire or motivation to start another program all over again. I sometimes feel as if I just want everything to end..