Unfairness About Infertility

 First off, and completely unrelated, I went to this website called Prose box.com. I heard it was the new improved free open diary website. Apparently OD has been having a lot of problems over the years. I haven’t really been on that much so I was not aware. Anyway, I went to this new website and was not impressed. People who posted on there seemed pretty weird and the website itself just seemed really weird. I won’t be switching over any time soon. 

So I’m obsessive compulsive, neurotic, and have some generalized anxiety disorder to top it off. This not-being-able-to-get-pregant situation is really making me crazier than what I already am. I’m looking up stories about women with multiple failed cycles of IVF (the winner is 22 failed cycles) and who are in all kinds of debt and are still not pregnant. I read a recent OD entry about a woman who started trying to conceive at my age, but now she’s 38 and got depressed and gave up. It’s gotten so bad I’ve actually started contacting adoption agencies for application packets. I’ve been reading that it can up to three years to adopt a child so I figured might as well get the ball rolling. 

Crazy fun facts about adoption – the birth parents still want to be involved. Most agencies don’t even give adoptive parents an option. Apparently closed adoptions are antiquated. Not to sound like a cruel, cold asshole but isn’t it more than a little strange to have the birth parents still involved in the kid’s life? What if the kid decides to go live with the birth patents when he/she is older? On all of the agencies I’ve seen so far, I will be paying 40k for an adoption. So I’m basically going to take out a massive loan to pay for an adoption and still share the baby with the birth parents. Sending letters and pictures is doable, but some parents want visitation rights and sharing holidays and birthdays. I just feel like this is all so fucking unfair. My other option is to spend a small fortune on fertility treatments and possibly end up with fucking nothing.