Surgery Because I Was Bit By The Baby Bug
Michael and I ended up not speaking to each other for several days. I now have the login information for both credit cards so I can monitor them online. I’m making a large payment this month and another one next month. I’m seething that I even have to pay, but at this point I’ve come this far and we are almost done with credit card bills. If he fails the CPA exam again and/or the credit cards still carry a balance I will make him get a second job. No more of my hard earned money should go to his debt.
I must say this for Michael; he will rise to the occaision when he has to. I had surgery on December 6th and he took good care of me the days following the procedure. Back in March we stopped using birth control. In May I bought ovulation predictor kits to help me plan the best time for us to have sex so I can get pregnant. In August we missed a cycle because I was on night shifts, but other than that we tried every month. On October 1st (the day before my 31st birthday) I saw a reproductive endocrinologist because I was so frustrated. I don’t believe in waiting a whole year – if you feel as though something is wrong you should seek medical attention when you see fit. That’s my opinion anyway. Michael had a semen analysis, I had labs done ($5300 worth to be exact), an initial ultrasound was normal, but my Femvue showed a 1 cm polyp in my uterus. I was scheduled for a polypectomy on December 6th.
The whole procedure from start to finish was a mess. I worked the day before surgery (I really needed the money) and after my shift I realized that the office never called me to tell me my OR time although they promised multiple times that they would. Frantic, I called the office’s answering service in hopes that someone would be able to give me an OR time. My doctor’s partner answered. While I understand that it sucks to be called at home, you’re getting paid to take call and it’s part of your job. She wasn’t particularly nice or helpful, and after listening to her lecture me, I hung up on her. Not the mature thing to do but I was beyond upset. Yes I should’ve called the office when they didn’t call me, but their job was to call me and give me an OR time. At every appointment I was promised they would call me. Anyway so I get home after midnight and woke up at 4am to be out of the house by 5am to make sure that we got to the surgery center at 5:30am. Since I did not know my OR time, I would act like I was the first case to be scheduled and I knew that if I was the first case at 7 am, I would have to be there by 5:30. It was dark, freezing, and pouring out. We ended up getting there with more than enough time. It turns out I was the 7 am case and my doctor ( who was called by his partner) did try to call me and let me know my OR time last night, but I didn’t pick up the phone. I will shoulder some of the blame but I still maintain that the communication from his office stinks.
The OR staff was nice enough in the beginning. They gave me warm blankets and shot of Versed which at first I felt nothing then almost completely knocked me out. I remember being in the OR and the doctor was holding my hand and then nothing. It was supposed to be a 15-20 minute procedure with little risk of complication. I woke up with the most indescribably worst pain. I couldn’t even speak because of the drugs, I just remember moaning and howling. I remember even trying to climb out of bed thinking ‘Fuck this shit I’m going home.’ The first thing I remember the nurses telling me that my uterus had been perforated. The rush of terror was almost as bad as the pain. They eventually gave me more pain meds (the lovely nurse manager or charge nurse argued that I’d been given too much medication already). If I had the strength and coordination I would’ve attempted to hit her. You have someone howling in pain and that’s your answer??!! As a medical professional I’m pretty horrified. They ended up giving me more pain medication and I calmed down.The only thing I kept thinking about (besides the pain) was that I would never be able to have children.
On Michael’s end things were bad because no one was giving him information about me. When the doctor finally came to speak to him Michael didn’t understand what he was being told and was too overwhelmed to ask questions. The procedure lasted two hours. My cervix is stenosed or narrowed, so the doctor used forceps to open it to do the procedure except he caused a small perforation of my uterus when doing so. It then turned into an open procedure where he removed the polyp, removed some mild endometriosis, and cauterized the perforation. I was on Percocet and Flexeril for three days afterward. Michael did a good job taking care if me; he made meals, cleaned, and helped me go to the bathroom. It was humiliating for me, but he kept a really great attitude and for that I will always be thankful.
I don’t know when the baby bug officially bit me that made me this obsessed with having children. I’ve always wanted babies, despite some of my prior actions and planned to start once Michael became a CPA and got a better job. When I was midway into my 30th year I realized that this may never happen and should start trying. In the beginning I was pretty calm about it. After the third or fourth month I started getting nervous and now I’m downright terrified. What if I missed my chance? I was up until almost 3 am reading posts and blogs from women who have failed multiple IVF cycles and have given up on having a child altogether. I’m not sure I want to adopt. Almost all adoptions nowadays are ‘semi open’ – meaning the birth parent(s) request photos, phone calls, and visits with the child. As cold as it sounds, I’m not really comfortable with that. To top it off, adopting a somewhat healthy Caucasian baby in this country costs 40k and takes about 2 years. And if the birth mother changes her mind (I’ve read horror stories), oops too bad, you’re out of the expenses.
Most people who are reading this are thinking ‘The odds are that things like this won’t happen.’ Tell that to the woman who is infertile – approximately 10-12% of couples in the USA are infertile. Tell that to the woman who just went for a simple outpatient procedure and ended up with a uterine perforation; the likelihood of that happening was pretty small. The odds are clearly not in my favor.