Get the Fuck Out 2013

 For the last day of 2013 I will spend it getting up relatively late, cooking delicious snacks for tonight, and booking a mini vacation to Philadelphia for Michael’s birthday. If we bring in the new year with a relaxed attitude maybe it will help make the year a good one for us. I’m generally not superstitious, but at this point I’ll try almost anything.

I almost had a heart attack yesterday – that would’ve sucked for our New Year’s plans. My original surgery was supposed to cost 10k with me paying 2k out of pocket. Since my uterus was perforated by the doctor, and he ended up doing a laparoscopy with removal of endometriosis, the cost of the surgery went up. I understand that, but I was told I would not have to pay more than 2k out of pocket. I got an explanation of benefits letter from Aetna saying I may owe 35k. I called Aetna and was like wtf, and the mildly condescending lady on the other line was like too bad sucker you went out of network. So that was an awesome conversation. I called the billing department at the doctor’s office and was like wtf and she basically told be since it was an explanation of benefits letter and not an actual bill I would have to sit tight (what exactly does sitting tight mean exactly anyway…??!!) and wait til the bill comes which may take two weeks. Lady, I am not waiting for two weeks not eating or sleeping because I’m terrified I am going to owe that kind of money even before starting infertility treatment. I asked her what would happen if I really did have to owe 35k, and she said I could call the office back and see if the office could help me out a little bit. 

Michael and I were once considering buying this house years ago during our house hunt. The house was virtually perfect except it was out of our price range; I of course fell in love with it the moment I saw it. Make a long story short the owners dropped the price by 30k, and even with that we still couldn’t pay for it. So if I owed 35k toward the surgery and the office ‘helped me out a little bit’ and threw in 5k let’s say…it still wouldn’t matter because Michael and I would still not be able to pay off that sum.

My next phone call went to Vicky, the surgery coordinator who originally promised I would pay 2k no matter what. At this point I’m crying, which was slightly mortifying, but I really was terrified. Vicky was also slightly condescending (:: sigh:: **Artist**, we talked about this already…). Yes we did discuss financials already, but that was before I was told I may owe 35k, friend. I must say Vicky was significantly more helpful. She explained to me that I would definitely owe only what we had discussed because the office barters with my insurance company on my behalf ( I didn’t even know you could do that) and not to talk insurance representatives any more because they didn’t know what was going on. So while it was a huge relief, I essentially wasted half of my morning.

The other half of my morning was wasted going to work. I thought I had to work yesterday. I was so exhausted when I woke up and kept snoozing my alarm. I woke up late, broke the speed limit by quite a wide margin, and when I got to work (on time) my colleague informed me that I was not supposed to be at the hospital that day. So that was awesome.

So I’m trying to have a laidback day today since yesterday was generally pretty terrible. It’s slightly depressing because my family was supposed to come for New Year’s except we’re fighting so Michael and I are spending it alone. I went to Long Island at the end of November to celebrate my niece’s birthdays. Jeff (my brother in law) and I have never really got along, and his family and I even less so. They were acting like asses at the birthday party and I made a comment to my mother about it. I specifically asked her not to say anything because I did not want to start a fight. So my mother said something to Becca (my sister), my sister yelled at Jeff, and Jeff ended up pulling me aside and accused me of starting fights between him and Becca. I yelled at my mother for saying anything, and then John and Jake got involved (wtf??!!) and John criticized me that I cause drama and stress. Awesome. I love it when my little brother acts like my parent. Anyway I left the house early the next morning without saying goodbye and haven’t really spoken to anyone since. I did not wish John a happy birthday, which was pretty dick, except he forgot to wish me a happy birthday for like three consecutive years "because he was busy." I figured I shouldn’t call him "since I create stress and drama." Our relationship hasn’t been good; we were close when we were kids, but not any more. Out of the four siblings, John and I get along the least. I was surprised and hurt that Jake even got involved; usually he’s pretty neutral. When Jeff pisses off John and Jake and they they start talking trash it’s considered funny, but when I get upset over something Jeff did, it causes drama.

My mother called me several days ago to ask how I was recovering from the surgery and for some stupid reason  I actually confided in her yet again and told her about the endometriosis. She was basically like Omg, I don’t know what to say, hope you feel better, and hung up. I get the feeling like she just doesn’t want to deal with my any more. She has three other children and two grandchildren, and she’s just sort of checked out on me. John is dating this girl (soon to be engaged to) and my mother loves her. I’m starting  to think that Ivanna (the girlfriend) is the kid my mom always wanted in me, but never had. Ivanna is laidback, she’s smart, she has similar music interests to my mother, she went to culinary school so my mom and her spend a lot of time cooking together, and both my mother and Ivanna come from really dysfunctional homes with neglectful parents so they commiserate together. John generally doesn’t talk to me unless he needs a favor or medical advice. God only knows the comments that will be made about me tonight. With all of his yelling at me for causing drama, John is very skilled about talking about people behind their backs. People think he’s funny, but I think he can be incredibly cruel. Jake sometimes calls me, but I’m still really hurt the way he acted that last weekend. Also he never tells me anything. Apparently he got an internship at KPMG and he never even mentioned it to me, Becca is either ignoring the fact that everyone is not getting alone, or too frazzled with her kids and her job to notice. My dad is like Becca; he just ignores that fact that we’re fighting. So while it’s nice to not have everyone here and potentially fighting, it sort sucks that Mike and I are alone. Maybe 2014 will be better. God, I hope so.