Crummy Week

This week has not been one of my favorites. I went to go and dye my hair yesterday with a dye I don’t normally use because I couldn’t find my regular dye at the store. Not only did my hair come out black (the dye said ‘Light Chestnut Brown’) but I must’ve missed a chunk of hair in the back, and now I have medium brown streaks against black hair. I honestly don’t even have the money to go out and buy more dye (I need to pay bills next week plus pay for formal tickets for me and Mike).

I’m somewhat peeved at Mike. I shouldn’t be but I am. We were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, but he called me at work and canceled at the last minute because he had lots of work to do. OK, fine. Seriously though, he couldn’t call earlier? So then he calls again and says that although he can’t sleep over, he wants to go out to dinner with me anyway. So we go out to dinner and everything’s cool, and towards the end we start trying to figure out the bill. I can’t do math to save my life and I asked him how much money I would get back in change and he makes the following snooty remark: "Well, the way it works out, I owe you a dollar. It will all work out anyway. I don’t know if you care, but I don.’t."  What?! I wasn’t trying to be cheap, I simply asked him a question. It really pissed me off because I’ve never squabbled about money with him before. I also don’t like the implication that I’m cheap, which I am definitely not. Maybe I am when it’s about me, but not when it comes to my friends.

I ran into him the next day at mini mall while I was with Jennie. He came over to our table and said, "I’m definitely coming over tonight, I don’t care if I get there at midnight. If you’re sleeping, I’ll just wake you up." So I stay up, waiting for him, and he hasn’t IMed me to let me know what’s going on. So finally, after 11 pm, I put up an awayer saying that I was going to go to bed. He IMs me shortly thereafter telling me he’s not coming over. Which normally is fine, but don’t say one thing and then do another. It pissed me off further.

Another thing that bothers me is the condom situation. I have now somehow become responsible for all contraceptives. He had asked me if I would be comfortable going on the birth control pill, which I said would be fine. But I’ve been running back and forth to Health Services all week. First they require an interview, but won’t give you an appointment so you have to wait in the waiting room for an unspecified period of time until they’re ready for you. In addition, I now have to pay for pills every month, which again is not a big deal, except Mike won’t even go to Health services to get free condoms. So that’s up to me as well. The last time he was over he complained that our ‘stash’ was running low and asked, "Well didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you pick up more?" Ummm…fuck you, why didn’t you pick up more??? It’s just annoying, to tell you the truth. Also, I don’t know how to broach the subject with him, but I want him to get tested. he’s slept with seven other women, not including me, and he could’ve easily picked up something along the way. Also, we had unprotected sex once. We were fooling around, as we normally do, before we got a condom, and then he slipped himself in me all the way. He was drunk that night, but I really wasn’t, and should’ve stopped it but I didn’t. He never mentioned it and I haven’t either. I’m actually really worried, since it was around the middle of my month…I’m terrified to go and get a pregnancy test…I almost don’t want to know. And I’ll feel stupid if I ask a friend to go with me, and then I’m not, and I’m going to feel stupid. So I’ll just do it alone. I don’t even want to talk about this because then I’m admitting the possibility that I am pregnant.

I’m changing the subject. My friend Erin and I were/are fighting. It seems that my pledge class and I have grown further apart this semester, which is sad because I thought that we were growing closer last semester. Lauren has made me cry already and now I think Erin’s taking over that role. She IMed me on Monday night telling me that she was sorry she was a bitch to me in mini mall but she was pissed at me ‘because I ditched her for Mike on Sunday night.’ Erin and I usually go to Bubble Tea after our Sunday night sorority meetings, and when I asked her last Sunday if we were stilling going to go after the meeting she said, "I don’t know, but I am really hungry." Mike then called me that Sunday night to see if I wanted to go to IHOP. I told Erin after our meeting that I was meeting Mike at IHOP and did she want to come, since she mentioned that she was hungry. Erin huffed away and said "Whatever!" in response (which I took as a no) so I shrugged and went by myself. I figured she was in a bad mood or something. When I saw her in mini mall on Monday I stopped by my sorority’s table to say hello to her and Nicole, since I was sitting at another table with Jennie and didn’t want to be rude. Erin blew me off, not even bothering to turn around. I shrugged and walked away, somewhat peeved but not truly bothered since I (obviously) have my own shit to worry about. When I got her IM later that night I called her and flipped out on her.

First of all, why didn’t she tell me on Sunday night that she was mad? She misheard me apparently, and didn’t hear me or something when I invited her to come along to IHOP as well. Which is fine, but had she said something to me then, we would’ve cleared everything up, I would’ve assured her that she was in fact invited and that I wasn’t ditching her, and everything would’ve been fine. But no. Erin blew me off in front of everyone, not only embarrassing me in front of the entire table, but also in front of my friend Jennie. So I spent about fifteen minutes yelling at Erin (Jennie was thoroughly amused because she’s never heard me yell before) and then I basically hung up. I spent another fifteen minutes in the bathroom crying. For years, I’ve spent so much time with my friends, especially Erin, consoling them over their boy problems, congratulating them when they entered new relationships, or going on trips to CVS because Lisa or erin were convinced that they may be pregnant. And when I finally meet a guy who (generally) treats me well, why can’t they be fucking happy for me????!!! It’s sad and irritating at the same time.

I can’t wait to go home…twelve days….

**Artist**