The Last Time I will talk about Ray. *edit

 Dear Diary,

Here is a text conversation we had. He text me at 4:30am (he knew I would be at work).

("…" means I didn’t reply back)

————————————————————————————————————-

Ray – Hey! How’s it going?

Me- Im good. Why are you texting me at 430 in the morning?

Ray – Can’t sleep. Knew you’d be up. Thought I’d say hi.

Me – I’ve moved on. So should you.

Ray – Lol! You just told me that you weren’t dead and if I wanted you around to let you know. Just because we aren’t dating doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life.

Me – I meant lunch or coffee. Not texting at 430 in the morning.

Ray – Why not? You’re awake.

…

What’s wrong with texting at this time??

… 

Furthermore even if we’re dating other people, we should still be able to talk.

Me – Yes. We should. Only you dont feel like hanging out so talking isn’t an option.

Ray – Why not??

…

You still haven’t told me why texting at this hour is wrong.

Me – Because you’re dating Alex and texting me that our time apart makes you see how much you love and care for me. You’re a douchbag.

Ray – I AM dating Alex but my telling you I care about you is not to be a douchebag. We dated for 4 1/2 months and I just want you to know that in spite of our breaking up, I still care about you as a person and hope we can be friends. But perhaps you’re right about it being inappropriate. Fine. I won’t bother you. Please take care.

…

I want to apologize. The more I think about it, the more I can see you’re right about my being inappropriate. That’s not my intention.

————————————————————————————————————-

I’m done with Ray. Its not just a feeling I am having today and then tomorrow I am going to be his friend again. I can be hardheaded and followthrough with removing Ray from my life. I deserve better than someone trying to keep me around until he is ready. Fuck that shit. I cried a little on the drive home; partly because I mentally have given up on Ray and partly because I feel the person I knew had died. I was cursing his name and wishing he would die.

Sincerely,

The Writer

 *edit

I have been crying on and off all day. I miss Ray something fierce! Why does my heart hurt me?