Depression

Dear Diary,

I was talking to Adrianna in the morning and she asked if I was okay. I told her how I was just sad about Ray, my joints hurt, and sometimes I cry with no reason but I assume its Ray. Then she asked me if I was in a depression.

I never thought of that before.

Ray leaving me and Jay’s suicide has really tossed me into a loop. Adrianna said I shouldn’t give Ray so much credit for hurting me so much and it could be depression.

The more I think about it… depression makes a lot of sense. A majority of the people in my family suffer from depression and a bang like I received could def. trigger it. I went home and went to bed. When I woke up I felt a lot better.

I still think about Ray, but, I remember that depression has many forms. When I feel the need to cry (which only happened twice today! HURRAH) I think to myself "Why are you crying? Don’t let depression take over your life" and I take a breath. It helps. I just get choked up in the throat for a few seconds but no actual tears.

Do I need to see a doctor? I don’t believe I do. I think its healthy for me to be in a depression with what has happened. Its my body’s way of saying slow down and take care of yourself. I don’t have thoughts of suicide, which is my main reason for not needing to see a doctor.

I look at it this way also. I deleted and removed Ray from my life yesterday. Jay’s memorial service was yesterday. Both situations are done and at rest.

I have been cheerful today though 🙂 I would honestly say I am happy. There is a guy I was talking to online named David who I was texting with for a while, but, Len is on my mind. I sure hope Len calls to hang out again. And now that I think about it, since I have awaken, I’ve been thinking about Len calling me more than I think about Ray. Hmmmmm. Good sign 😀

Sincerely,

The Writer