College

Dear Diary,

Ray has really pushed me forward in life and I have applied to UNM and CNM here in New Mexico, United States. It will be cheaper for me to get start at CNM and get my general (core?) credits finished before going to the University. Im pretty sure I was accepted to UNM (which is great!) because I recieved an e-mail stating I could start this summer if I didnt want to wait until fall. I just, like 2 minutes ago, sent a request for my high school trans. and my act scores to be sent to CNM. Unfortunatly, I forgot my CNM password and my account was suspended so I have to call the offices tomorrow as get help with that after too many failed log-in attempts. They have such stupid security questions like "Whats your favorite cartoon character". First of all, I dont watch cartoons that often and second of all, wouldnt that change quite often. How can "Whats your favorite cartoon character" be a security question for a college? really. Ray pointed out that youtube has really dumbed my generation down and I totally understand. It conditions people to be entertained for a minute or two at a time, over and over and over again. Evenually, if you are not entertained within a few minutes you move on to the next thing. Its making my generation LAZY AND STUPID! Although, there isnt much faith in humanity to begin with from my experiences.

Im sitting here at work just thinking. Ray googled my name the other day and found my opendiary, which was no big deal since I have it public anyways, but lately I have been tightening up the security on my name for online. You cant find me on facebook anymore just by searching for me (it brings up a fan page instead). I googled myself and started deleting and requestion sites that I have signed up for in the past to delete me. But, I like this diary being open, so I think one of these days I will go into all my entries and take my name out since I always sign things with my first and last name. That is gonna take a while 🙁 but it will be worth it I bet. I will probably just read all my entries from the begining to the end and probably makes the supid and personal ones private. Private so i can reread them if I wish but then they are not open to the public. Or, maybe I will make all my old entries private and start fresh with public ones. OH! Better yes I shoud revamp my whole OD. Maybe I will copy and past all my entries into word and save them so I have them forever and delete them on OD. Start this diary with a fresh look on life. Try to be more possitive.

I want to get into film making and my who thought process is, if by chance, someone googles my name (say a fan!) I wouldn’t want them being let down that Im human and make mistakes. I’d rather keep it to myself and people close to me, and let on-lookers have that rolemodel to look up to. I mean, some of my past entries (i read a few of them the other day) are just horrid! Rereading some entries kind of made me realize I seemed angry. Although, I was angry. Life just wasnt enough for me in small town nowhere. Its funny, because now that I am older I dont see my past life the same was I did as I was living it.

I was showering before work and I turned the water a little too hot, where it felt like it was burning me. It reminded me, when i was younger I would do that every shower. Im not sure why. At the right temp. of just starting to burn the skin, it feels erotic to me. It hurts but at the same time my muscles relax and my skin is tingling. I get this strange burst of energy and I feel Im almost in a trance. Well, afterward I turn the water to freezing to close my pores and I felt really good after my shower 🙂 I had tons of energy.

At work, after I finished my paperwork, I cut the cuticle around my fingernails. I didn’t realize it was so horrible! My fingers look nasty now A) it was really bad and they are bleeding a little and B) now there is dry skin that is kind of stuck to the nail where I clipped it off. It will take a day or two to clean and sort of clean itself but they will look better.

I’ve been trying to write a little every day and i have been, somewhat 🙂 i decided to write a story and get my imagination flowing. I came up with an excellent idea (If I do say so myself). Lets see how well it goes and if I like the final project maybe I will post it here and get everyones opinions on it. The only problem is, I have a layout of what i would like to happened in the story, im just having trouble making the plot detailed. I begin to write a little and I barely get a paragraph out when I feel sick of it. I think I need to let it cook in my brain for a bit longer. I love the days when I just feel creative and I can write like crazy and it just flows out nicely. Too bad that cant happen all the time 🙂 Maybe i can train my body to trigger itself to do so. Im sure its possible somehow.

Sincerely,

Thou shall not know my name!