Unsure…

I’m not really sure of anything right now, lol.

Honestly, I think I might, quite honestly, be losing it.

The guy I love doesn’t particularly like girls, which is cool and everything, but he thinks something’s wrong with him because of that…and he thinks he’s schizophrenic, which is very possible, considering he went to a mental hospital for it when he was little.

Isn’t life so screwed up sometimes?

Is it possible to drive yourself crazy and be aware of it and able to turn it back until its too late? I think I might have been doing that, I’m not sure…i want to understand him, but I don’t know how and I’ve been doing things I don’t think are particularly socially acceptable. I’m kind of reverting back to writing really disturbed poetry and stuff…so, I don’t know if he just reawakened my insane side or if I’m changing for him, even though he doesn’t want me to. I think i’m kind of the only thing keeping him tethered to reality….dunno.

Yesterday he came over….I think I almost gave him a seizure, and I was sort of aware of it, but not really…cuz, i wanted to show him something really flashy and I had known he had had them before but I dunno..i felt horrible. I tortured myself after he left by watching it for about an hour and listening to horribly depressing music and by the time I was done my head hurt so bad that when I got up I fell to my knees in pain and started crying. See, I am crazy.

I think I might just be going through something stupid…idk….my friend is convinced I’m either depressed or bipolar.

On Monday I have to show Steven a video that Jacob wanted to show him. Jacob is bent on being his friend…even though he continues to hurt him….I don’t know why. But, I have to get Steven to watch it, it’s an important video about switching places….and maybe it’ll help him understand where Jacob is coming from….i hope so.

I’ve been doing spanish for like, 3 hours….I hate spanish, Lol…I have about 6 hours of civics homework to do too…amongst other things.

Everyone knows I’m in over my head, with 8 seconds left in overtime, she’s on your mind, she’s on your mind….

So, yeah…Runescape released a new skill, I can’t wait to try it. I’m hoping to get done with all of my work before tomorrow night so I can.

I don’t understand the meaning of life…and I had stopped  questioning it for a while, but it’s back now, how great is that? I assume I’ll either drive myself crazy looking for it, or I’ll grow up and forget about it or accept that I’ll never know. Hmph.

I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world, its just a lie you have to rise above.

I don’t know….hopefully a happier entry to come next. 🙂