Guilt

How do I stop being so down on myself?
My few friends are more than I deserve,
yet it’s never enough.
I want to be the best. I want to be the favourite. I want to be loved.
In love –
With the idea that maybe i’m not being carried around out of pity,
or duty,
or because nobody’s told them yet that they should stop.

How do I find value in myself?
How do I create it?
Love is supposed to be warm, right?
Liberating, right?
So why does every bond I’ve made just feel like a cold chain pulling me down to the Earth.
Dragging me away from that inevitable ledge.
Why do I feel so guilty about living?
All of them
They’re keeping me alive.
Holding me back when I want to jump.

But I want to jump.