Reflection 1

I just finished my first appointment with a therapist.

My homework is to work on mindfulness this week with a focus on non-judgment.

I’m not certain that this will help much, but I’m willing to give it a go. I’ve done some mindfulness guided meditation etc. and it makes me feel better but I haven’t seen long term benefits per se. Maybe she will send me something meatier. Also, it probably doesn’t count that the mindfulness meditation I’ve done was actually mindfulness meditation for children. Ah well, whether it helps or not, at least I have a professional therapist in my court.

Overall, I’m really relieved to actually get some help, ya know? It took a lot for me to get up the courage to talk to my primary care physician for the need for some mental health care. My current PCP is probably the best I’ve ever had and seems to actually care about his patients (a rarity in generalist docs, I think, or maybe I just tend to have a knack for finding the bad ones). Anyway, he said I should see a psychiatrist and then he can help with adjusting meds or whatever. My insurance is remarkably cool about this (insurance usually sucks so is this the twilight zone?). They said that I can see one, and even offered to let me see a therapist for free (score).

I have tried for weeks to get a psychiatrist. They don’t even return calls, no one will make an appointment (not even telehealth), etc.  I had a similar experience at the beginning of looking for a therapist. I had one place that said they’d call me to match me with a therapist. I called them back to inquire on the status of that 3 times over the course of 2 weeks.  I can’t help but think that if I were suicidal, I’d be dead. Yesterday, I called the insurance company again and explained my plight. They said they would happily find me one and call me back in 3 days with possible appointment times etc., sounds good to me. I’m a little concerned about what I might get (my first PCP they assigned was actually an ER doc who doesn’t see patients by appointment), but hey, better than the crazymaking of finding one on my own!

I went down the list and by the time I called my therapist, I was pretty dejected. She returned my first call within the hour and talked with me for a good 20 minutes and scheduled an appointment right then when I asked for one. This therapist is a keeper, I think.

I missed OD. I don’t even know if it’d be worth it to reclaim my old diary.