Continuing to survive my decisions

Ah Grad School, that wonderous, and not-so-wonderous decision that I made at the beginning of this year!  It was all going well until April. I had a 6-week long class with a professor I hated, and content I hated that was deeply offensive and incorrect. I survived with my 4.0 somehow intact. I’ve groused about that class here in previous entries. Again thank you to the kind strangers who got me through it.

I was BLESSED with a WONDERFUL professor for the next class. That class was weird though because it had a special guided clinical practice that couldn’t actually be done at that time of year (long story). It went well, but I found myself bashing my head against the fact that I was doing this weird hypothetical version using some real data but some not-real data–I think it was mostly a me problem–I was being a bit overly literal. Ultimately, it was probably less work to do it that way, but making full use of my character flaws, I made it way more agony. 🙂

Following that class, I decided that since it was summer time and I wasn’t working and such that it would be the perfect time to take extra classes. One of them was 4 weeks, the other 6.  I have survived the 4 week class. I turned in my last paper last night and even took some time off last night. I’ve been sick most of the summer. Wave after wave of a mildish-moderate cold that would probably go away if I could just sleep for 3 days and maybe be less than 100% stressed all the time.  Today, I have to finish and turn in 4 things for the remaining summer class. 1 presentation, 1 paper, 2 discussion responses. I have 1 of the discussion responses mostly composed, I have all my slides laid out for the presentation, and a nice chunk of the paper done. When I started this week’s work I was more sick and my survival instinct said, “do a little bit of all the things so that worst case scenario you can turn them all in for at least a few points!”  And then I’ve been considering how close to passing my classes I’ll get with each bit I put into the things (this is almost certainly crazy-making and time wasting but it’s oddly soothing and kind of motivating).  Yesterday, and the day before, I buckled down and focused on the stuff for the class that is technically ending today because that last paper was worth so much that not getting it in would mean retaking the class. It’s important to note that I literally have A’s in both of these classes (the students who freak out the most are the ones with A’s, I have no idea why).

Being sick and taking 2 classes and trying to do other things like spend time with extended family and the like, I’ve accepted over and over that my 4.0 might be gone. And yet, I may be able to pull off this craziness.

I had to write this entry to remotivate myself. You see, I have this deficiency where sometimes when I achieve a big thing I then can’t work on other things that might be vaguely related because I’m done! So yesterday, I turned in the final stuff for the other class. I have not turned in the stuff due for the remaining class. So one class is done, the other is so not done!  I had to get this out of my head a bit.

I also had to refocus my headspace–best thing about a journal, really. As I was reading a scholarly article for inclusion in a reference page this morning, my mind drifted into the most traumatic spaces from a former career. Not the time, brain, not the time!  I feel better now. OK, off to try to earn a few more points!  My current worst case scenario is to turn in some of the crap that’s due and to take the points hit to turn in the rest tomorrow. I’d rather not go there though, so, to homework land I go!