Brighter Days

Today was ok. I only cried once over my grandmother when i saw am old photo on my cousin’s facebook. stupid photos. I’m really bad at dealing with death, I cry at everything! I’ve often been left crying for ages after sad films, soap’s etc! but this is real. I was really close to my grandmother, I shared a room with her for years and then at the end my mam and aunty looked after her and I helped.

Started back college after my xmas hols today. its my last semester in this college, i’ll have a degree soon, a B.A. something to be proud of? for most but not me. i honestly don’t care anymore! I still have another year and a half long course to do after this but hopefully that one will be remotely interesting. Today I had the geography of international development and economic geography. I chose geography to study rocks, rivers, oceans etc but the majority of my modules are human based…BORING! I’m determined to do the best I can this semester tho.

My mam is disappointed in me. My parents have always supported me…always but last night they had been out and had a few drinks when they came home we got talking about college, my mam said if i had’ve listened to her and studied in the first place i would’ve got into the college I needed to get into to be a primary school teacher. she said the best thing i’ve done is find carl. Carl was sitting at the table and was like wow thanks…I was like wow slap in the face! yeah it is amazing that I found carl and i’m so happy but hellp what about the 3years of hell i’ve gone through in college? I’ve walked around for 3years with very few friends, no social life and average grades. what about all the study and effort i’ve put in and the panic of being in college and actually having to be an adult, I had to get over that on my own because I never told them about it, I didn’t want them to worry! now i want them to know what i’ve gone through and how much i hated it just so they can realise i really did try.

they’ve never been disappointed in me. at least not that I knew about. sure your parents piss you off sometimes but thats normal, My mam has never upset me before…thats a new one.

Bye for now

– Aoife