The Waiting Game

I miss having more alone time. Not 12 hours a day but 4-6 hours would be nice. I only get that if he’s sleeping when I’m up, though, and I only get to wake up alone like 3 times in a row or something like that.

It really is as if life has become one big waiting room that I spend 80% of my time in as I wait for my life to one day come to an end. I just want a fucking closing date already! And I want clarification as to whether or not we can leave unwanted furniture and other items behind. I was laughing at him for wanting to gather hazardous wastes when that would be doing their job for them since someone’s supposed to come through and clean the place anyway, but there are other legalities to consider. Once the house closes, it’s no longer our house and therefore we have no say in anything anymore.

She has until the end of the week to change her mind and I hope to hell she doesn’t! I just want to get this the fuck over with while I’m feeling mostly human. Felt okay yesterday and so far today, so good. I saw a video where an English doctor discusses some symptoms of menopause that can be serious and one of them was headaches which I was lucky enough not to have a problem with. Then there was heavy bleeding, bloating, etc. Then came severe mood swings like anxiety and depression, again giving me hope that it’s not on the medication and that I’ll one day walk away from this for good. For “unlucky” women, it can last 8-10 years, and I assume the clock starts upon entering perimenopause.

Well, if most of my problem has been extreme hormonal fluctuations then I am one of the unluckiest women out there because it has been so intense and so horrible! It has really ruined so much of what would otherwise be a pretty decent life. My worst problems should have been noise, sleep issues, hot flashes, and boredom. Not feeling like I was going to die or so bad that I wished I would.

She said OTC remedies are great for general anxiety and depression but they won’t do much good for severe cases which need help. Yeah, help that doesn’t include intolerable side effects. I can’t really say for sure if the black cohosh and magnesium are helping or not but it seems like it might be at least a little. She also explained why and how the menopause belly is formed and why diet and exercise are usually worthless. Instead, we just have to avoid the kinds of food and drink that aren’t good for us.

We ordered some more black cohosh tablets from Amazon along with tea. This is the brand Kay takes.

Also, I really like clear cosmetic bags so I can see what I have packed in them, especially if they’re not too big. So I decided to get a set of them. I got a set of seven bags each with different color trim. I can use them for other things besides traveling.

I noticed that the red spots on my leg have faded. One of them still feels a bit thick, slightly raised, and occasionally it itches but it’s definitely faded.

We’re having a cool spell now which is bringing out the planes, of course, but I should be sleeping when they’re at their worst. I’m about to make my last flip while we’re here.

I guess Nancy isn’t fully moved in yet after all. No one stayed there overnight.

I continue to be both baffled and saddened by the world in general, our laws in particular. I fear for the future of women’s rights even though they don’t affect me personally. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Roe versus Wade was overturned. Yes, people are that cruel, twisted, delusional, and downright controlling. They will do anything in the name of their crazy bullshit God and religion. I just hope that if it does come down to most if not many women being unable to get access to abortions that they leave the unwanted babies on the doorsteps of the strangers who decided for them that they had to have them if they’re not going to be smart enough to get rid of them on their own, and yes, there are ways. Seriously, though, they should leave notes saying that they were financially, physically, or emotionally unable to care for them but since it was so damn important to these lawmakers that they be born, why don’t they but foot the bill and do the rearing?

Also, I still don’t understand for the life of me why those convicted of any kind of sexual offense are let out to repeat what they cannot deny themselves until they’re finally stopped for good. How many more decades of research and experience do we need to show us that the tiger never changes its stripes and that they are beyond rehabilitation?