Die-ary, Anzalduvas tragedy.

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 Today we visited one of my Favorite childhood parks, and… I was disappointed… severely disappointed…

That particular park had been a place I just loved to go to.  Every time my parents chose to take us there it was nearly a dream come true,  the play area was huge and sitting on the board walk and watching the boats zoom by at high speeds and even get a bit of the water to come up and lap at your feet was one of my favorite pass times.  Hell even buying something from the many cold treat venders there was, was something to really look up to.  I made many one day friends there, playing anything from cops and robbers, (I always chose the robbers side) and freeze tag. 

When we pulled up to the all too familiar location I was rather… Shocked? To find that there was no waiting line like there was back in the day, and the booth was held up by only one man.  When we paid the small fee and headed in to the park I couldn’t help but point out a few things to my brother and cousins who, like me, were eager to see the old board walk that my aunt and I kept talking about.  We didn’t take much notice of the small amount of people around, figured the mosquitoes had chased most of them away.   

As soon as the water was visible… the nasty mesh fence was visible as well… What once had been a wonderful place to spend the afternoon in was now destroyed and fenced away from the public.  A big old looking sign read “CLOSED DUE TO CONSTRUCTION”  I couldn’t believe it!!  Why would they destroy it completely!!  Nothing was left of that old board walk.  We just kinda stood there, holding on to the fence as we watched the Mexicans on the other side of it swim in the water, play in the water, use their Jet skis and pass by in their boats.  The boat ramp was closed too, and there was no United States Boat out there besides the many border patrol and Mission PD boats.  All who were searching for any kind of activity from the Mexicans who might try to sneak on to land. 

When we realized that it wouldn’t get much better than that we set up our blanket and chose the best spot we could find where the water was still visible and the bugs would attack least.  We ate… then came back home. 

Carlos was suppose to meet us out there, but due to a few confused conversations he didn’t make it.  Not going to get much in to that one… cause I kinda figured it would be hard for him to find the place,… all the way out there! But the family kept bugging… and soooo I Had him try and go….

Anyway.  So on to home we came.  And a few hours later my mom, Who happens to be in town, came to pick up my brother who had spent the weekend here with me. 

Turns out… she wants me to move back in with her… something I DON’T WANT!!! But no one seems to care!! Everyone has the assumption that I will be giving in to her demands and moving back in with her, where Rosie (My bitch of a sister), Rey (Rosies abusive and fucktard boyfriend) and the rest of my family. 

 

I swear to god I have the BIGGEST head ache ever!  Just thinking about all of this is over flowing my brain.   I got in a massive fight with her, about me not wanting to go back home with her or anything along those lines as long as Rey lives there.  You see I have issues,  Once someone kicks a grill filled with embers at me… I’m not going to forgive them.  Once I’ve been kicked out of MY own house and Pushed around by a fucking Military reject who can’t hold down a job, I’m not going to be forgiving anyone. 

I guess no one has an Idea on how stubborn I can be when it comes to making quiet a few choices in my life.  Hell, I can be swayed a bit, and on occasion I do crack and just give in.  But there is a limit.  I’ll let you walk over me and I’ll let you tell me what to

do for so long, as long as I see good for me in the future and I see that I will not come to any harm.  But If I see other wise, Believe me.  You wont move me, not an inch.  My decisions are just that. 

I wonder if she remembers that first Christmas that I went to visit her in Missouri?  When I was already living in Texas again.  When I told her.  “Mom I’m not going to stay no matter how much you beg” and she did beg and I didn’t stay… because… I didn’t want to… and I had plans… Just like I do now, I’m with Carlos and I seriously couldn’t ask for anything better.  My living conditions are a bit UGH at moments, but that’s ok, cause I can put up with it, I’m in school and when I’m done I’ll have the most wonderful person in the world next to me to keep me happy!! Because I love him… and I wouldn’t have it any other way… She can’t get me away from the ones I love… she cant pull me away cause I wont let her…

She can’t pull me away… I’d rather die.

 

~Anti~

 

The Kirby Dance:

 

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