Dear Die-ary, today we had a confession (Con’t 2)

antidote_kat: then you will see what I do when I’m pissed off
Animal XD: well
antidote_kat: Pretty little faces are just so nice to mess up ^__^
Animal XD: that shit is between you two now
antidote_kat: Yup
antidote_kat: I can get away with it too haha
Animal XD: good for you *claps*
antidote_kat: anyway
antidote_kat: Go on
antidote_kat: keep telling me what ever it was you were ganna tell me
antidote_kat: ^_^
antidote_kat: fuel me for later on!
antidote_kat: when I really do get mad at you
antidote_kat: hah
antidote_kat: ha*
Animal XD: aww
Animal XD: what happened to "i would never get mad at you"
antidote_kat: pft
Animal XD: que no matter what y todo ese jale
antidote_kat: believe me
antidote_kat: I’m always mad
antidote_kat: Im a really angry person inside o-o
Animal XD: there is no reason or point anymore karla
antidote_kat: I thought you would have figured it out from the start?
antidote_kat: Actually yeah there is
Animal XD: what is that
antidote_kat: cause just maybe… I’ll let you know whats on my mind too?
antidote_kat: what I’ve been dying to tell you
antidote_kat: whats been nagging right there
Animal XD: well please do! i asked you to do so in the begninning
antidote_kat: like.. that one place I cant scratch o-o
antidote_kat: yeah
antidote_kat: but Im not there yet
antidote_kat: *shrugs*
antidote_kat: I lost my trust in you
antidote_kat: i dun know
antidote_kat: meh
antidote_kat: sorry dood
antidote_kat: but you lost it
Animal XD: is it about you or me?
Animal XD: bc i dont care to know anything about you anymore
antidote_kat: haha
antidote_kat: i dun know
antidote_kat: its alot of stuff
antidote_kat: and don’t count on it being about me
Animal XD: oh well
Animal XD: well i guess
Animal XD: But like I said earlier
Animal XD: It’s tonight or never again
antidote_kat: hmm…
antidote_kat: WELL
antidote_kat: I have been meaning to tell you lots of things
Animal XD: Tonight is the last time we’re goign to talk like this.. if ever you decide to talk though
antidote_kat: Like how you make me want to pull your hair out sometimes
antidote_kat: but I play the sweet little girl and let things slide
antidote_kat: i dun know… just little things that you’ve done
antidote_kat: but meh
Animal XD: I know you do want to pull my hair and what not
antidote_kat: ohh well
antidote_kat: what else…
antidote_kat: I really was loyal
Animal XD: bullshit
antidote_kat: cause when shit happened with Tin.
antidote_kat: We weren’t together
Animal XD: HORSESHIT
antidote_kat: *shrugs*
antidote_kat: dont believe it
Animal XD: not for a second there
antidote_kat: I could really careless right now
antidote_kat: I could look for the chat logs
antidote_kat: I have em somewhere on the computer here
antidote_kat: but it would take to much time
antidote_kat: meh
antidote_kat: what ever
Animal XD: chat logs for what?
antidote_kat: When we talked it out
antidote_kat: *shrugs*
Animal XD: lol
antidote_kat: like
antidote_kat: Tailz
antidote_kat: and stuff
antidote_kat: and i have the chat logs to match when you told me to not count on anything from you
antidote_kat: and to just go for it
antidote_kat: *shrugs* like I said
antidote_kat: You rooted me on!
antidote_kat: =D go cheerleaders!
Animal XD: Yea
antidote_kat: and I was all
antidote_kat: "But I Like you!"
Animal XD: Well that only proves that much. I couldn’t trust a girl like you in a serious relationship.
antidote_kat: and you were all "but I don’t like you!"
antidote_kat: and then I was all "but… but…"
Animal XD: What when we have an arguement and we say shit liek that… you go on and fuck somebod? lol
Animal XD: no way
antidote_kat: and you were all "go for tin. he has more things to offer"
antidote_kat: haha nope
antidote_kat: it was a serious conversation
antidote_kat: and we broke it off for about a month or so
Animal XD: yea well
Animal XD: we’re young
antidote_kat: maybe more
antidote_kat: yup!
Animal XD: mistakes happen……… you knwo that first and don’t you
Animal XD: hand*
antidote_kat: yes i do know it first hand
Animal XD: with you.. its one too many
antidote_kat: I’ve always known it
antidote_kat: haha
antidote_kat: yeah
antidote_kat: I’m just one big fuck up!
antidote_kat: heading for disaster!
Animal XD: hey…
Animal XD: youre life
antidote_kat: pft
Animal XD: your*
antidote_kat: i should be a druggie by now
antidote_kat: and a drunk
antidote_kat: and a fucking bumb
Animal XD: Indeed
antidote_kat: and just all that other fucking shit
antidote_kat: Nah!

antidote_kat: i should be dead
antidote_kat: but fuck
antidote_kat: I keep going anyway
Animal XD: gasp!
antidote_kat: dont know why
antidote_kat: meh.
antidote_kat: I guess its all false hopes that keep me going
Animal XD: like me right
antidote_kat: nope
antidote_kat: You have no idea
antidote_kat: but you can believe that you do if you want
Animal XD: well maybe you can call up tin and hit it up again and find some hope in him
antidote_kat: lmfao
antidote_kat: nope
antidote_kat: Never
antidote_kat: fuck guys
antidote_kat: fuck it all
antidote_kat: He was a fuck up
antidote_kat: a massive fuck up in my life
antidote_kat: I got my hopes up only to have him crush em
Animal XD: yes he was
antidote_kat: oh well
antidote_kat: He handed them back to me after he slapped me in the face
antidote_kat: Kinda like you did
antidote_kat: hmm…
antidote_kat: so similar
antidote_kat: wow
antidote_kat: haha
Animal XD: wow
Animal XD: he must have been great!
Animal XD: he did that in what was it? 2 months?
Animal XD: what i did in 2 years or so?
Animal XD: holy
antidote_kat: well.
antidote_kat: He did it pretty quick
antidote_kat: haha
antidote_kat: I knew him from school
antidote_kat: after him me and you picked it up
antidote_kat: well… fixed up what we had and kept going at it
antidote_kat: *shrugs*
antidote_kat: but you know what ever
antidote_kat: shit still ended up the same
antidote_kat: ahh…
Animal XD: lol
antidote_kat: well maybe I should just go off and do some random shit like I always
antidote_kat: do
antidote_kat: I guess I could go to the lake or something
Animal XD: *friendly hug*
Animal XD: get some rest. you’ll feel better in the mornring i promise
antidote_kat: nope
antidote_kat: I don’t want to sleep
a

ntidote_kat: my brain got wired
antidote_kat: I thought those pills would make me go to sleep
antidote_kat: BOY was I wrong!!
antidote_kat: I feel ubber mello
antidote_kat: but I’m not sleepy
Animal XD: I’lll be your friend! just like tin was your friend, and when you have a bf you can tell him oh yea i went out a couple times with carlos NOTHIGN happened.
Animal XD: just like you did with me

antidote_kat: actuallly
antidote_kat: I don’t think so
Animal XD: no righht
Animal XD: you can’t make that same mistake again
Animal XD: tel them from the get go
Animal XD: before you get yoru ass…. heart handed back to you
antidote_kat: eh… no
antidote_kat: I dun know
 antidote_kat: I think what happens before a relationship is establish should stay out of it. Because then shit like this happens
antidote_kat: Fuck…
antidote_kat: all i keep thinking is… at least I didn’t date YOUR fucking bestfriend behind your back
antidote_kat: at least I kept loyal to you when we were together
antidote_kat: While I fucked you I kept my legs shut for others
antidote_kat: and I sure as hell didnt go about kissing others either
Animal XD: y yo no
antidote_kat: cause hell! I fucking though that just maybe!
antidote_kat: JUST mother fucking Maybe! it would be worth it
antidote_kat: and because I believed that i could be with you
antidote_kat: and because I made myself think that hell I cared enough to make it work
Animal XD: oh hey you knwo what this reminds me of lol….
antidote_kat: and cause Tin was a fuck up and cause I knew you were not
antidote_kat: And cause I trusted you
antidote_kat: and because you felt so good..
antidote_kat: and because you were just right
Animal XD: that episode of friends … rachel and ross… "but we were on a break"
antidote_kat: and because I just dont fucking know….
Animal XD: wow i never pictured me on that fucking situation
antidote_kat: …
Animal XD: what… what was it?
Animal XD: did they get back together after all?
antidote_kat: Yeah..
antidote_kat: they had a kid and got married
antidote_kat: but thats a bunch of bull…
antidote_kat: theres no fucking thing like that…
antidote_kat: theres no fucking happy ending
Animal XD: sure is
Animal XD: well
Animal XD: i wont get your hopes up
Animal XD: no there isn’t
Animal XD: its a sitcom
 antidote_kat: what ever carlos..
Animal XD: *sigh(
Animal XD: ok
Animal XD: we’re just arguing
Animal XD: im sorry
Animal XD: w’ere not gonna get anywhere…
Animal XD: ok
antidote_kat: k
antidote_kat: whos arguing?
Animal XD: ok what do you call this the
Animal XD: n
antidote_kat: talking?
antidote_kat: letting it all out?
 antidote_kat: Just before we break it off
Animal XD: ok
antidote_kat: or after we broke it off
antidote_kat: idk
Animal XD: idk
Animal XD: im sorry
Animal XD: sabes que te quiero un chingos
antidote_kat: for?
Animal XD: but i can’t let this go
antidote_kat: uh huh…
antidote_kat: Thats kinda hard to picture
Animal XD: why?
antidote_kat: uh…
antidote_kat: hello?
antidote_kat: where have you been the past year and 3 months?
Animal XD: what you want me to go all romeo on your ass on my knees with a fucking flower and shit?
antidote_kat: O_o
antidote_kat: no
Animal XD: where have i been?
antidote_kat: yup
Animal XD: what kind of question is that?
Animal XD: with you
antidote_kat: well cause you sure as hell didn’t act like it most of the time
antidote_kat: you acted distant
antidote_kat: you didn’t want to hold me half of the time
antidote_kat: you pushed me away
antidote_kat: you were so strange…
Animal XD: i want to be with your giht now i want to say let it all behind…
Animal XD: but the thought of you and tin FUCKING IN HIS CAR
Animal XD: no mames
antidote_kat: I didnt fuck him!
antidote_kat: GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT!
antidote_kat: I didnt fucking fuck hiM!
antidote_kat: He never put his penis in me!
antidote_kat: or near me!
Animal XD: oh ok he fucked YOU thats totally different
antidote_kat: he fucking shoved it up Tailz ass
antidote_kat: … forget it…
antidote_kat: you wont listen anyway
Animal XD: he dind’t put his penis in you? how can you say that?
Animal XD: you’ve already told me too many times you had SEX with him
antidote_kat: And I also told You it wasn’t fucking sex!
antidote_kat: it was like sex!
antidote_kat: there was sex going on!
antidote_kat: but not with me!
antidote_kat: Go ask your fucking little girl friend Tailz if you dont believe me
Animal XD: ok
Animal XD: explain it to me
antidote_kat: We were on the back seat
antidote_kat: Tailz was getting fucked
antidote_kat: and i was sitting on the side
antidote_kat: Kinda keeping a look out
antidote_kat: on occasion he touched
Animal XD: what else?
antidote_kat: Thats about it
antidote_kat: He touched
antidote_kat: and tailz got to orgasm
antidote_kat: and I went home in a rather moody manner…
antidote_kat: but meh
antidote_kat: what ever
Animal XD: hold on
antidote_kat: k
Animal XD: in the car i asked you if you fucked him…
Animal XD: you said at one point i did
antidote_kat: cause he fucking touched me!
Animal XD: and you didn’t like it you said it was g ross
antidote_kat: it was!
antidote_kat: It felt wrong!
antidote_kat: and nasty
antidote_kat: and gross!
antidote_kat: and ugh!!
Animal XD: so why the hell would you say that at one point you did FUCK HIM
Animal XD: WHY???????????????????????????????????
antidote_kat: Because thats what It felt like!
antidote_kat: Thats what it felt! like a nasty fucking!
antidote_kat: a dirty thing to do!
antidote_kat: Fucking
antidote_kat: sexual contact
antidote_kat: what ever……
antidote_kat: fuck the world!
Animal XD: I don’t know what to beleive
Animal XD: you didnt care to explain it to me in teh car
Animal XD: you curled up and cried like if you were guilty as fuck
antidote_kat: No
Animal XD: and you said we werent together
antidote_kat: I cried because You fucking went out with Tailz
antidote_kat: We werent together!
Animal XD: like who cares if i had sex bc we werent together
antidote_kat: No!
antidote_kat: … god you make things so complicated
antidote_kat: You make my mind jumble up and toss about and just make me want to scream and pull my own hair out
Animal XD: don’t do that your hair looks nice like that
Animal XD: less the attempted blonde areas
antidote_kat: meh…
Animal XD: goddammit
antidote_kat: I’m probably ganna chop it off.. *shrugs*

Animal XD: i already pictured you
Animal XD: i already looed at your face and all
antidote_kat: hm?
Animal XD: i pictured you ugly doing him
antidote_kat: ……..
Animal XD: its hard
Animal XD: i need to cool off
antidote_kat: …heh…
Animal XD: what?
antidote_kat: Imagen what crawled across my head?
antidote_kat: go ahead. Take a shot at it
antidote_kat: When you mentioned Tailz
antidote_kat: oh? not going to bother?
antidote_kat: nice
Animal XD: whatever
Animal XD: i told you what had happeend
Animal XD: you didn’t botehr to explain
antidote_kat: uh huh…
antidote_kat: so now its my fault?
Animal XD: YES IT IS
antidote_kat: because I didn’t want to bother to explain something that was shameful to me?
antidote_kat: nice
Animal XD: yea i guess
Animal XD: but ok
Animal XD: ok
Animal XD: ok
antidote_kat: I guess I just Effing rock that way huh? =D
Animal XD: yea i guess
Animal XD: its all good then
Animal XD: its okay with me
Animal XD: at least i got a load off my mind
Animal XD: how are you feeling over there
antidote_kat: yup. I’m just a bump on the road
antidote_kat: I need more water…
Animal XD: ugh
Animal XD: ur right
Animal XD: we’ve already established it anyway
antidote_kat: Actually. You did
antidote_kat: But what ever
Animal XD: yea ok i did
Animal XD: I DID
antidote_kat: yup
antidote_kat: You
antidote_kat: i just reinforced it
Animal XD: you said it was about time anyway
antidote_kat: yeah
antidote_kat: it was about time I realized things
Animal XD: ok
antidote_kat: it was about time for things to sink in to my thick head…
antidote_kat: that… I was just that…
antidote_kat: nothing more…
antidote_kat: and that my hopes of possibly just maybe…
antidote_kat: were worthless and stupid…
antidote_kat: but I’m sure i’ve written that down somewhere… meh
Animal XD: u know thats not true but im not going to bother to tell yo udiffenet anymore. not again
Animal XD: so ok thats that
Animal XD: i guess it IS about time
Animal XD: no hard feelings?
antidote_kat: what ever…

Animal XD: ok

Animal XD: hard feelings

Animal XD: so idk

Animal XD: i guess im going to bed now

antidote_kat: sweet nightmares.

Animal XD: thank you

Animal XD: i deserve them

antidote_kat: sure do

Animal XD: right right

Animal XD: don’t be a stranger to me

Animal XD: Goodnight.

antidote_kat: uh huh….

antidote_kat: what?

Animal XD: thats it?

antidote_kat: You said thats that

antidote_kat: I’m not about to beg…

antidote_kat: I’m tired…

Animal XD: ok

antidote_kat: I don’t want to beg anyone

Animal XD: just don’t bring it up when you’re at heather’s and talking to me through ehre

antidote_kat: I dont want to beg for my freedom…

antidote_kat: I dont want to beg for what I want…

antidote_kat: I don’t want to do anything anymore…

antidote_kat: of all the times for something bad to happen to me… I didn’t want it to be now… I have enough going on around me as it is…

antidote_kat: But like it matters right?

Animal XD: what would you want me to do?

antidote_kat: I don’t even know that anymore…

antidote_kat: I literally felt my heart drop to my stomach

antidote_kat: And I felt so helpless

antidote_kat: and I didn’t even want to look at youo

antidote_kat: you*

antidote_kat: cause i never thought You or Her to be capable of such a thing…

antidote_kat: I never thought that someone I cared for so much… and who I thought cared back… could do something like that…

antidote_kat: I mean… shit I knew she liked you.. and when she got near you… it made me so mad… and it made me want to kick her ass and tell her to back off…

antidote_kat: but I always thought you wouldn’t like that… and I couldn’t lay my claim over you…

antidote_kat: so I kept my cool and bowed my head in defeat

antidote_kat: and just turned the other way…

antidote_kat: god… if you only knew…

antidote_kat: if you only knew how much time I thought about you. and about me.. and about my stupidity and about what the hell I was doing!

antidote_kat: how many times I though… "fuck… I just want to be with him.. cause he makes me so happy"

antidote_kat: every time I was having a shitty day or something like that… I could look up to knowing that I would spend time with you…

antidote_kat: that I could count on you… to be there for me…

antidote_kat: and then… to hear… that… omfg…

antidote_kat: its hard for me to speak my words..

antidote_kat: Thats why i cant do it in person…

antidote_kat: I can’t speak… i Freeze… and I’ll turn away and I just don’t know what to do.. I have to be extremely angry to let things out. I have to hate you completely… and at the time… i didn’t.. My mind was stuttering… freaking on me… Telling me it was all a lie…

antidote_kat: but then… it started to settle…

antidote_kat: and my hands were trembling so bad earlier you should have seen them…

antidote_kat: I was so angry

antidote_kat: I was in a rather strange state… Where i had no idea what the hell to do… I guess it was a tad bit too much for my mind…

antidote_kat: I wanted to snap so bad… to just let it all fucking fall over again…

antidote_kat: to just fuck it all and just… ya!

antidote_kat: but for some strange reason I just bit my tongue and held my fucking head high… and just… fucking took the meds my aunt gave me… and let them do their magic…

Animal XD: so now hwat

Animal XD: what

antidote_kat: I dont know…

antidote_kat: You’re making me think again

antidote_kat: and I wish I could just… stop it all…

antidote_kat: Just freeze time… and not feel so strange… not feel so fucking oddball out

Animal XD: i don’t know what to do either

Animal XD: i dont want to call any shots

Animal XD: you look at your options. figure it out or whatever.

antidote_kat: …

Animal XD: get back to me….. idk

antidote_kat: Carlos…

antidote_kat: I dont think…

antidote_kat: I can understand why….

antidote_kat: I don’t see… why

antidote_kat: Why you told me this?.

..

antidote_kat: You knew it would destroy me…

antidote_kat: you knew it would make me cry…

antidote_kat: and it would make me hurt so much…

antidote_kat: and you still did it…

Animal XD: tell you what?

antidote_kat: You know I hate the idea of Tailz and you…

Animal XD: like it could have been anywhere near as bad what you had be beleiveing!

Animal XD: fuck that

Animal XD: i coudl have gone ahead and lied and told you i fucked tailz

Animal XD: just to tickle your pickle

antidote_kat: …

Animal XD: what?

antidote_kat: nothing….

antidote_kat: I dont know if I can trust you…

antidote_kat: You went a head and just…

antidote_kat: ugh

Animal XD: well you go ahead

antidote_kat: go ahead and what?

Animal XD: dowhatever you have to do

Animal XD: whatever you think is right and what not

Animal XD: and i’ll talk to you tomorrow

antidote_kat: fine…

Animal XD: and you better talk to me tomorrow and not ignore me.

Animal XD: i know you’ll be online

Animal XD: at one point. if not there’s always offlines.

Animal XD: email

Animal XD: idc

antidote_kat: My brother and sis are going home tomorrow..

antidote_kat: that means the laptop goes with them..

antidote_kat: so idk.

Animal XD: go to heather’s, text me or whatever

antidote_kat: ill see