Dear Die-ary, I went out on a date today.

God today was just such a strange day!!!!   First off, let me start off with waking up to find my moms boyfriend already here.  Due to some horrible nightmares I woke up in a really bad mood so I figured a  nice long hot shower would make it go away but… they never do make hot water hot enough…

So after the shower I hopped my merry way downstairs to sit in the living room with my brother, mom and her boyfriend.  For a while I kinda sat here zombified by the TV before I realized that there was a small grumble in my stomach due to hunger.  It took a few minutes to prepare a Lemonade and chug it down as quickly as I could to shut my stomach up (Of course only after continuously complaining about our "lack of food" which was a big fat lie.  We have more than enough food to make).  After the yummy sugar free maybe 50 cal lemonade drink was gone I came back to the livingroom and watched a little more tv before I retired to my room in order to flat iron my hair and prepare myself for the date that I had prosponed till Sunday. 

The date itself was nice.  Not a total OMG I love this man, or I can relate alot to him, but good enough.  He was kind and we had a nice conversation, and as usual I got nervouse and started talking like a maniac.  After the movie and stuff I came home and logged back on to myspace to talk to a few new friends i have made.  Without thinking I put on my headphones and started listening to music when all of a sudden I had a massive panic attack.  Everyone had already gone to bed, so I was on my own… in the dark… downstairs… and My thoughts had drifted to him…

I couldn’t stop crying… I really coundn’t but all because I hated him so much for not fighting to stay with me.  and this only inspired me to keep trying.  To work hard on my diet and to show him that no man will stand in my way and that he will be sorry for ever letting me go.  Salainna and I are going to start the 2468 today and I’m ganna do my best to stick to it.  I after all did fairly good today.  I just hope it was good enough.  So up on the excersice.  Maybe Kassie will want to join in with us.  I know a few of the girls are doing the ABCs but I need to start with something smaller.  Ganna buy the stuff for the MC on tuesday too.  So I can do it after the 2468 (I know I should do it before hand but I’m missing some of the supplies!!).  I also need to stock up on pills.  Got to have enough to survive… starting with a multy vitamin.  

I’m all better now about the jerk though… seems it was just a form of a trigger caused by the song I was listening too… should really be more carefull about the things I listen to and the stuff going on around me.  Like when my date hugged me good night I felt empty inside… and rather strange.  But I forced myself to get over it… cause He didnt care that she wasn’t me.  and he picked her over me.  which means I can move on.  I dont have to cry for him and i dont have to care for him.  Craig says I can go crash with him for a while.  Said I can even borrow his girlfriend If I needed too.  it still amazes me how he can cheer me up after all these years.  I really do love him.  Kurizu also helped me out alot… god I dont know what I would do without these guys.  I swear it can be any hour of the night and one of them will always be around to cheer me up if I need it.  

Anyway… Some Thinsperation for myself:  

~Anti~

The Kirby Dance:

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