Dear Die-ary, Fatty McFatfat

So on once a week I travel a good 45 minutes on the road to get to work in the next town over from where I live.  and On this wonderful day I allow myself to eat out, as a treat to cheer me up at least ONCE a week.   This has become my routine and I had really started looking forward to it, because it is MY alone time.  My time to pamper myself and not feel guilty for it.  And in order to prepare myself for a real meal for the day I eat nothing all day and drink only water, seeing as to how most of the time the food choices are pretty high on calories. 

Well… I stopped at DQ and ordered some the same ‘ol I always get, chicken strips, cause I really detest red meat.  Anyway, so I buy my lunch and start my long drive home.  On my way home… As I was eating I started to feel like shit.  I really dont know why.  I’d had ONE chicken strip out of the four, and maybe about 6 fries.  The bread, as usual is never touched and tossed straight in to the trash can.  And the soda? untuched, cause I had my awesome water bottle filled with nice crisp clean water. 

So… what did I do?… Forced myself to eat another strip, cause.. well… I’m suppose to enjoy the food and have a good meal due to my constant starvation.  

(( blah blah blah "Starving is bad" save me the talk, I’ve had it plenty of times, and guess what? I’m still ganna do it.  I’ve nothing to lose… besides some weight.  Yes I know "Starving only works cause you’re shocking your body and anything you eat will be held in and you will eventually just regain the weight" blah blah blah.  This is why I eat something big only ONCE a week. I know what I’m doing now Moving along ))

So there I was, driving, and wanting to just chuck the rest of the stuff out the window and keep driving… but i didnt.  Driving and Mad at myself and just all UGH!!! I started to vent out on my radio, Singing out loud at the top of my longs, and then… I felt better.  

Which I didn’t expect.  Considering that I’ve just had a HUGE breakup with a "Significant" other.  I felt like I had this weight lifted off my shoulder and I Could once again return to my life.  As if there was no limit now.  Really no limit.  He is HALF way across the country and there is just NO way I can bump in to him here in my cute little town In Missouri.  I can do as I want without having to think of him constantly, I can go where I want, make friends whith who I want, do ANYTHING on my to do list.  I’m free.   I’m completely FREE!  and no matter what, I’ve learned my lesson and I wont go back!.  

With amazing shock I found myself again.  I could sing again! I could go back to my books, I could go back to my art.  I could go back to my MUSIC!  I could completely fall in love and hide myself like before and NO ONE would know.  NO ONE here knows what happened in Texas, NO ONE here Knows anything about me!  Its a new complete me… or somewhat.  More of like My old Free spirit is back.  And It only took getting rid of someone.  

I haven’t been depressed.  AT ALL.  I’ve been in such a good mood for the past few days, going out, going to bed early without tears, passing out, doing things MY way.  

And on Monday I get paid!  which means I can go shopping again.  I can go and PAMPER myself completely!! Get new jeans and those awesome boots I wanted to get before He came up here.  Before he left me without money and demanded his petty demands.  I can do what I want and How I want to.  

After being in such an ABUSIVE relationship, such a CONTROLLING relationship I have to say I’m happy!.  I’m starting to feel happy.  I’m no longer attatched to a man who would rather have me dead than happy!!!  

I can work on my goals and I can finally concentrate on myself alone.

Thank you, For walking out of my life, and letting me realize what a wonderful person I am. 

~Anti~

The Kirby Dance:

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