The Proximity Factor

She was still talking to me, but I was long gone. My eyes had fixed themselves to nothing in particular, and my pupils had widened. Every insignificant thing in front of me faded out of focus as I fell into a waking dream…

I was in a memory that I hadn’t been in for decades. Standing next to the elementary school in the cold pre-dawn dark, looking up at the roof of the building and the dark blue sky behind it. Late fall, and my breath was very visible in the morning hours, without the sun. The brick wall of the building was shaded black from the rising glow, and the roof line that cut the sky seemed unusually sharp in the brisk air. Every classroom had both an entrance from the outside, and a door to the main hallway inside, but since there was very little movement from classroom to classroom in grade school, each room was somewhat autonomous, and as such each individual classroom was treated as a schoolhouse all it’s own. Those of us that lived within walking distance would generally arrive earlier than the vast majority that took the bus, and we had to wait outside until the bell rang, before they would usher everyone inside to begin school. It always smelled like freezing air and nervous anticipation out there, clothes all feeling a bit too soft, and smelling a bit too new. Backpacks stuffed with snow pants, pencils, and toys. There weren’t many kids waiting around the doors that early in the morning, but there were a few. And from this small minority of early-morning waiters, a certain camaraderie was born. One boy, in particular, I became very good friends with in those magical minutes before the bell. We had a game; we used to walk down to the parking lot around the time the buses would show up, and once they arrived to unload their child-cargo, we would run from the crowds as though being chased by an invading army. In another time and place, he and I would have probably grown up to be remarkable warriors…

That boy and I would see a lot of each other as we continued to grow up, but we’d never speak or spend any time together ever again. It was a very potent friendship…but one that was only born out of having to share the same time and space. Without that, we had no gravity of our own with which to bind us. There is just something special and remarkable about those very temporary bonds that are formed through sharing a certain time and place with someone else, when neither of you happen to be there by choice. It’s certainly the root of the military brotherhood, and any friendship that might arise between coworkers. In fact, forced proximity probably accounts for 90% of all friendships, period. How many people do you know that usually just hang out with people from work? Maybe a few good friends from the past that they might look up once a month. From school, the army, or from previous jobs…

In this way fate dictates who we will have the opportunity to know and befriend, among the trillions of souls in the world. Sure, you and that person you’re passing on the street might have incredible chemistry, and be more endeared to one another than anybody else; someone you would look back on your life and think man, what sort of shitty life would I have had if I had never met them?

But you never will meet them, and you will never know it…