Systems of the Body

Whenever I look at someone, I generally associate them with one particular system of the body or another…whichever seems to represent them, wholly, the best. I’ve decided to list the the most common systems, in order of least favorable to most, and accompany them with examples and a brief description:

The Digestive System– These are the sorts of people you see walking out of Burger King while you’re next door at the car wash. Mounds of sickly unhealthy flesh, sodas in hand, expressions of unhappiness and regret stamped onto their faces. For some terrible reason I can never see someone like this without imagining them, moments later, gripping their bare pasty white thighs, and struggling on a toilet as they eject gallons of foul smelling gas-entwined waste from their flabby asses.

The Nervous System– In a word; tweakers. Rave kids. Blond boys. Anybody who is just a little too high strung tends to fall under this one, and I generally perceive them as a network of nerves and neural firings. Women who look like their eyes are about to burst forth from their skulls as they have a heart attack, or men who can’t quite seem to decide on what to look at. All in all, generally irritating…but without the disgust factor of the digestive system.

The Muscular System– Athletes, or douche-bag beach dudes (see http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com). Women who jog a little too much, and have a little too much definition in their muscles. I generally prefer my men built, but past a certain limit all I see are fat sausages wrapped in skin. There isn’t really anything that bothers me about this particular type, beyond the fact that they fail to be attractive to me in their excessively veiny bodies.

The Reproductive System– Need I even explain? People who radiate sexual energy are by far my favorite type of people, of any gender. Men who are neat in appearance, and glide along impulsively with confidence and swagger. Women who roll their hips just a little extra, naturally, and possess a similar kind of impulsive uncontrolled grace. Girls with large breasts that hang just right; curves that never stop squirming…men that wield, with skill, any particular phallus (though I prefer a long revolver). Seeing one of these types of people, in it’s purest form, is guaranteed to make the rest of my day a complete and utter joy.