Man-Love Rising

It’s no secret that I’m not a supporter of gay-rights. I consider it an affront to something– logic, perhaps– or maybe just the cold, hard, former-truths of natural selection. Homosexuality, to me, is like a cancer…an enormous tumor on mankind’s intrinsic reproductive functionality that humanity has, for complicated reasons, decided to hook up to life-support and nurture along, rather than simply eradicate. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking from way up there on your compassionate high horse– what business is it of yours what people do! they’re not hurting anyone! they were born that way, and they deserve love as much as anyone else! Would it surprise you to know that I completely agree? Now, my question to you: when, exactly, did you get it into your head that you have to fuck everything that you love?

Oh, that’s right– women. Women are the ones who insist on fucking everything that they love…or at least loving everything that they fuck. And that’s all fine and good; God bless them for their natural ability to cultivate the species through adequate mate selection. The effect of the combined rising of both women’s rights, and gay rights, in the same accord, has hoisted the biological imperatives of females only, as a faux shade of omni-gender enlightenment– that love and sexuality are one in the same. This could not be farther from the truth, particularly with men.

But what harm does it do? The harm it does is indirect– a consequence that is nearer to homophobia, than homosexuality…but since homophobia is a consequence of homosexuality, that is where I ultimately cast my line of blame– though there may be hope for both of us (I’ll explain in a moment). While ever-growing portions of the male populous "evacuate the closet," falling predictably into most of the typical societal expectations of their demographic (flamboyance, over-sensitivity)– at least in film and on TV– the rest of the heterosexual men gravitate in the opposite direction of everything homosexual, without even meaning to. It’s simply a natural reaction. The old balance routine. (Seems Darwin still has at least some influence in the modern world).

The largest, and most important thing that these heterosexual men gravitate away from, is love. Love for their fellow men. The love of brothers. The love that, once upon a time, was expressed freely in words, embraces, and even lips on the cheek. This leaves men with a very unpleasant ultimatum– if you wish to love other men (or at least express it and share it), you can only do it from Camp Fagot. Otherwise, you must keep your distance in all ways– physical, emotional, and spiritual– and just bottle your feelings, cut them off before they creep in, or deny their existence entirely.

Now, say you’re a complete fucking idiot, like 98% of the male population (women are a little better, at a slightly more respectable 97.3%). A heterosexual idiot, who is completely unaware of everything that I’ve just spelled out– a love starved heterosexual idiot, who has in his life a man that he respects and cares for as a brother. All of the effort he exerts to keep himself out of camp fagot is only going to compel him towards it all the more– it’s that power of suggestion, and that oily reassurance that love is sex, and sex is love. If his ‘brother’ is in the exact same boat as him, mentally, and one night ‘things happen,’ as they say, well….once you’ve sucked dick, there’s no coming back. After that it’s a self-justification vacation, for as long as your tires can hold road.

Simply put– I think homophobia breeds faux homosexuality in men, who would otherwise be completely normal, simply because it prevents them from sharing love with their brothers. Fortunately, homophobia might become a thing of the past in the not too distant future. So let us pause, and leave christmas past where it is. Instead, I’d like you to come along with me to christmas present, and listen to a little anecdote of something that happened to me over the weekend:

I was out at the bar with a buddy of mine, shooting pool. I don’t get drunk, myself (moderate buzz, anyone?), but my home-boy was pretty tanked…and as he was heading away from the tables to the bar to get us more drinks, this pretty little thing named Lauren that I’m acquainted with came in with her fiance– squeal-jump hugged me– and introduced me to him. He seemed like a complete tool to me– earrings in both ears, emotional, and jealous– but whatever floats her boat. We shook hands. I think Lauren appreciates the fact that I’m one of the few men who frequent the bar without vying for her attention…but either way, she’s a nice girl, and I like to keep our acquaintanceship going. My buddy returned with the drinks, and fell into one of those drunken-lust stares once he caught sight of her. Her fiance and I might as well have not even been in the room, and although he was laying it on pretty thick, hitting on her and such, Lauren is the type of girl who can take it fairly well…at least for a 4 foot 10 female, up against a 6 foot 2 ginger-boy…but I could tell the lust-stare was starting to make her uncomfortable– her eyes kept shifting back to her pussy-ass fiance, hoping to be rescued from the somewhat awkward conversation. Since he wasn’t going to do it, I stepped in for him: "Collin, this is Lauren…..and before you get any ideas, this nice young man here is her fiance." She thanked me earnestly, and immediately. My buddy (Collin), took one drunken look at her fiance, and did what any drunken ass hole would do, when trying to hit on a girl who was with another guy– he told him he looked like a fag. Yep. He sure did. Suddenly my attempt at defusing the situation somehow propelled it into a charged powder keg. Her fiance looked my buddy gravely in the eye and simply responded, "Well, I’m not." All of the light humor that had been between the four of us evaporated. It was my mess, more or less, so it was my responsibility to clean up…and I was kind of buzzed, so launching into a speech was only natural– plus I was in the middle of a lose-lose situation. If my buddy got into a fight with this guy, I was obligated by the bro-code to back him up…which would mean the end of my pleasant acquaintanceship with the pretty pint-sized italian girl. If I backed the girl and her fiance, I’d lose my pool buddy. I cleared my mind, and just let God do the talking– hands raised like a goddamn preacher: "Hey, hey, hey!! Look guys, allow me to APOLOGISE for my friend here. I know he comes off like a DICK–" at which point I shot eye-lasers at my buddy, who just stood there quiet and listening, looking somewhat guilty at that point– "…but I promise, it’s only on the outside. Deep down, he has a lot of love in his heart. I promise! He doesn’t really think you’re gay, it’s just a defense mechanism…really, underneath all of that, he’s a big softie, just like everyone else." I’m not sure what surprised me more– the fact that the young couple accepted this with a smile, or the fact that my extremely homophobic sports-fan buddy ALSO accepted this with a smile. A few minutes later, he even shook the guys hand and ap

ologised. It was a great moment in male-bar-bonding.

It confirms something that I have always suspected– that men WANT to get their inner softies out on the table– and they appreciate people who encourage it…it just takes the right kind of emotional leaders and spokespersons. I command enough respect from my peers to pull it off in my own tiny social ecosystem, but if there were others in larger ecosystems, who were even better spoken than I, I’m sure it could be done en masse….which brings us, finally, to the ghost of christmas future.

As homosexuality has been settling into mainstream culture, homophobia has been slowly evaporating. Emphasis on the slowly…but I am quite convinced that its happening. The more it does, the more comfortable men can be with their own sensitive sides. The more comfortable they are with their own sensitive sides, the more comfortable they will be with sharing them with other men. The more comfortable they are with sharing them with other men, the more they will realize how important it is to do so– how much more they can accomplish together– and how much better their lives are with the natural, non-sexual, brotherly intimacy that God intended.