Inverting Anxiety

 "I had a really good day today…"

It was how she said it, really…all bashful and uncharacteristic, with those little eyes sparkling in the evening lights. And it was years ago, to boot…so why is it still as clear as crystal in my mind? Why does it haunt me so? It must have something to do with being responsible for the rare and tremendous moments of happiness, in the few people that I believe actually deserve it…but a haunted memory is never without a duality; the appreciation of the moment’s accomplishment, and the lament of it’s rarity, and unlikeness to occur again.

Anxiety, at least for me, is part of another duality…one I keep in mind whenever I feel that inexplicable fear of loss wash over me. It can only come from having something worth losing, and the soil of having something to lose is just as fertile in the garden of appreciation as it is in the garden of fear. With a little thought swimming, and some careful bending, fear can be molded into appreciation this way…or so I would like to believe, in these dark sleepy corners of the morning.