I thirst

I have lost the ability to prolong the hatred for that which I write, and seem to be able to barely keep entries up for a day without removing them. Perhaps if I keep this as quick and quaint as possible, it will be spared…

I am hungry for beauty. It is tragic that we experience the best that life has to offer before we turn ten; the first smell of coffee, summer pools, the taste of candy, the feel of clean laundry…after that we have R rated movies, sex, drugs, and music to explore…which lasts us until our mid-twenties, when suddenly everything seems to dry up, and all that there is to be seen has been seen. We then spend the next forty to fifty years scraping an empty barrel for all the scraps we somehow missed along the way…

What has happened to all of my friends? Seems like just yesterday we were folding oragami and giggling about coming adventures, and now look at them. She’s had two kids, he’s forced two abortions. She’s fat and saggy, he’s saggy and depressed (and should have put a bullet in his head before he let himself fall apart, if you ask me). My old friends are fading away, suffering the general erosion of life. My old timers are also throwing in the towel. The young are too busy with their faces shoved up their facebook asses to merit any attention, and I am just myself. The same. I haven’t budged a single inch since I was nineteen, beyond a few minor health-related tweaks for the better.

Doesn’t particularly matter, I always knew that I had skipped the middle age mentality all together…I have no immediate qualms beyond a desire for something…that moves me. Something that makes me laugh, not chuckle. Something that makes me smile, not grin. Perhaps it’s just time to buy that ticket, and take the long ride…