Elbereth

Found myself in a bit of a Howard Roark/Peter Keating situation this last week. I’ve written a A+ term paper deconstructing the aesthetics of a particular painting, and I’ve engineered a video commercial for a bowling company that received glowing "awesome-awesome" praise from the client who commissioned the project. The only problem is that both of these tasks were completely for other people, and I’ll not receive an iota of credit for either of them…which is about how I like it; if there’s ever any cause to do a task beyond simply doing it, and doing it well, I tend to lose interest mighty quickly.

Another interesting development in the last few weeks is that I seem to have had 100% of any lingering unwarranted paranoia and anxiety completely burned away from my personality. Major drama a couple weeks back scared the living shit out of me, and ever since then I’ve been more comfortable anywhere, in my own skin, than I ever have. I’ve always been able to play it cool, but until recently, I’ve never always felt cool while doing it. I have been "out on the town" three times in the last week…which is three times more than I have ever been "out" in my life. And I had a straight up blast every single time.

It’s tough to explain, but I feel a bit like my personality has fallen into a perfect Tetris; a sort of fated, effortless, unimpowered invincibility. Emotions have found a balance with thought; and extroversion seems to have found a balance with introversion. I wonder if my fundamental system mechanics are in the process of changing? It would be interesting…