Pre-Birthday Diary Entry

Diary Entry #1!

Hello! This is my first diary entry here. I do not have many people to talk to, so I’ve decided I would keep a diary and document my life. I tend to forget my days, so this will be a good way to remember and look back on them.

Today I went to the city centre. I do not enjoy going out and leaving my village but I had to since my mom had something to refund and it was the last day. Coincidentally, I’ve came across with my cousins and another relative (who also happen to stay in our village, so I didn’t have to take the bus back to the village) They said it was a miracle that they saw me here since they were just looking for a 4th person to play Okey with. Okey is a tile-based game, very popular in Turkey (No one except the Turks really know what it is actually, which is weird because I believe it’s a German game) [I’ve just checked it and apparently it derived from a game in Germany called Gastarbeiter, so I think it is Turkish??] It is an extremely fun and diverse game! I would encourage everyone to learn more about it. It’s pretty simple too (Maybe the 101 variant not so much) There are mobile apps which you can play it.

So we ended up playing for hours, and I became the victor. Nothing much happened besides that but it was fun. But also painful since I have a really hard time socializing. I get anxious all the time, even with my relatives. When I went to the city center I was worried that I would have a panic attack after going to crowded places. I luckily didn’t, it’s not like I have panic attacks very often anyway. I’m very awkward. I keep telling myself I’m exaggerating and everything is fine but my body doesn’t listen to me for some reason. My body and mind doesn’t feel one.

2 sarcastic jokes went over my head, which I still feel very embarrased about. I’m so afraid people are going to think I’m stupid so I always end up doing something stupid. Not that I’m clever but it still feels terrible.

I’ve got home about 1 and a half hours ago. The moment I got home my cat welcomed me. (She’s in my profile picture!) Before I go to sleep I’ll probably watch House, M.D. I started it yesterday with my mom, not thinking I would actually continue watching it but it’s got me hooked. I really like it so far. I even stopped watching movies to watch House. I started watching a lot of movies this year, a lot of experimental ones too. I didn’t think I would enjoy experimental movies as much as I would.

It’s going to be my birthday after exactly an hour (17th birthday!). I do not care for my birthday a lot truthfully. However I have a ritual of listening to a song the moment the clock hits 00.00. I’m very specific with my choices of songs but I still don’t know what song I’m going to listen. I want to listen to something more upbeat this year since I listened to very depressing songs last year (Hated Because of Great Qualities by Blonde Redhead). I want to give positive energy to the universe. I will hopefully feel way better this year. I was thinking of listening to Debussy’s Arabesque but I’m not sure since it’s not exactly upbeat. It sure does make me feel way good and euphoric but it’s not exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe a calming Trip-Hop song? Maybe a Japanese City Pop song? Maybe Shibuya Kei? I really don’t know. I think I will listen to what my instincts turn on. I will wait for 11.55 PM to decide.

I think that’s it for today :>