My birthday and after

Diary Entry#2

August 30 12.46 AM Today is my birthday. I decided what song to listen to while turning 17 around 11.45 pm, it was ALL OR NOTHING by Takoka Mamiya. It’s a City Pop song with smooth jazz inspirations. The whole album (LOVE TRIP) is an atmospheric city pop + jazz fusion, which really makes it stand out from most City Pop albums in my opinion. It’s one of my all time favourites. I listened to the song while staring at the night sky in my village. The stars are much brighter here than it is in the city. Light pollution is a horrible thing, I can see a shooting star here almost every 5 minutes! It’s a mesmerizing view. Even though it was a beautiful experience, I felt very bittersweet. I really cherish and appreciate what I have right now but I have to accept growing up. I don’t want to give up what I have right now. I will be an adult soon, I have to work and leave my village and small town. I will have to move on from people, leave them behind. It’s a scary thought. A very sad one. I should learn to let go, accept the future but I’m terrified. Being afraid won’t make anything better though. I should go with the flow instead of worrying.

When I was done listening to songs in my garden, my sister video called me to celebrate. my birthday. She got me a Jesus Candle, A Code Lyoko CD (One of my favourite TV Shows growing up!) and a Sonic the Hedgehog Lego Set. She apparently got me more stuff but they haven’t arrived yet. She was going to get me a Pingu (My actual favourite show growing up) bag as a gift, so I’m assuming it’s one of the gifts that haven’t arrived.

I feel very happy and content even though it’s unusual for me. I hope things can stay this way for a longer period of time. I’m off to sleep now.

August 31 7.19 PM

Nothing happened so far today. I woke up to my cat’s meowing, did nothing but play video games and listen to music. I feel so guilty for not studying but I can’t find the power in me to do anything. School is starting in a week. I have lots of unfinished assignments and the thought of going to school is so so terrifying for me. I’m afraid of going out. I’m so sleepy right now, maybe I’ll take a bath and head off to sleep and wake up early to study a little.