Pride or sensibility?
I cried a lot in a way yesterday. I was confronted about my 2 days of absence though I was and am entitled to my 15 days of sick leave at work. i thought it was stupid since the company has given these number of days for employees to be absent from work. Despite my non-attendance, I have never ignored my responsibilities and that I never comprised also. I made sure that I made it up to my students.
If I should have known that these allowable number of days off is not encouraged in the company though stipulated in the contract, I should have not signed it anyway and left. I was damn so hurt about my boss comparing to a run away colleague at work. This man was lazy and took for granted his work. he even sent students home when he wasn’t in the mood to conduct classes. And for my boss to have compared me to him, gosh that was a shit. How i wish my boss could have thought first before he uttered those words. I was hurt deep down. I am a professional teacher but at the time he spoke with me, I felt like an uneducated dump construction worker.
I felt belittled by his remarks and feelers that I may end up like my colleague due to my absences and come to think that I am his asset in his company. He relied on me to train his children just to be able to get them prepared to enter the university.
Yes, I admit that my ego, my pride was hurt but who can blame me right? For the past year, I worked my ass out. I managed to endure the pain of being humiliated by my students just because they can’t understand me. But I was so patient enough to understand and adjust for them since I am the educator, the educated one. It was cultural and religious differences but I ended with flying colors and I won their respect and admiration. Up to this date, I kept constant communication to some.
In times like this, I maybe crying inside but these things made me realize how valuable the people I have left behind. I now value more my students and my colleagues back home. I remember how sweet they were, courteous, and how appreciative they were of any assistance that I had extended to them. And why on earth did I settle here? Pride to prove something? Now, i feel that all things are just running in circles. I left all the universities there because I was abused, taken advantaged of my skills, and unappreciated-emotionally and financially. Now, it’s still the same old story here.
The main rreason for coming here is to earn more than I used to. It isn’t just for myself but more so for my family. I have dreamt of bringing them to places they have never been to before and make sure they have money in their pockets without having to worry about the prices of stuff they wanted to buy. Was it wrong for me to have wished for a much better life? And was it a reason for employers to take advantage of their employees?
All these would lead up to answers that I am right but how come they seem not fit at all? i feel down but then again I pity people who are inconsiderate. They may have caused me pain but I guess the terrible thing here is that they didn’t know that they were responsible for other people’s pain, right?! Pathetic!
Right now, I hope that those people who gets to read this will be in a way inspired to become tough in life. I hope that you don’t get to feel what I feel or atleast avoid or prevent it from feeling. I maybe tough to withstand but you have got to be tougher. Just pray for me for additional strength! Uplifting my spirits will help me go on this day. May God bless us!