What the Hell?!

I’ve had a really good weekend and even went to a location with people to take pictures but today my anxiety is giving me a big ole “fuck you” for some reason. I’m doing my usual thing hanging out at a coffee shop, reading, people watching and I just feel … restless.

The book I’m reading is about being a better artist and it says you have to answer questions about yourself before you can grow as an artist. Things like “Who are you?” and “ What do you care about”. Well, to be quite honest, I have no idea. I’m almost to the mid-40’s and I have no idea the answer to either of those questions. Obviously I care about … “stuff” … but what “stuff”. In photography I’ve always been drawn to the “story tellers” be it words and pics or pics alone. The first photo book I bought was “Humans of New York”. The story telling there is mainly words but with pictures to tie it altogether. My absolute favorite photo book is a book of selfies by Vivian Maier. Of course her “seflies” were before selfies were a thing but there’s something so striking about them. Both of these books are so well thought out and well put together but both were the result of many attempts. Hell, Vivian Maier’s work wasn’t published until after her death and that was only because all her undeveloped film and belongings were sold at auction due to unpaid storage fees. It seems even though she had a *fantastic* eye for composition and photographic awareness she didn’t put herself or her work out to the public.

*sigh* I don’t know what the point of this post is/was. I guess I was hoping that writing about something would kill this anxiety so I could enjoy the rest of my weekend that I was so looking forward to last week. It doesn’t feel like it’s helping and now I have to go help a family member out with some things I really don’t want to. ugh…whatever..