The Slog Continues

Another week down. I sit in my usual spot at my usual coffee shop thinking about the week that was. It wasn’t great. I felt sick, mentally, which made me feel sick physically so a lot of my responsibilities got pushed off. That’s the thing about being an adult, when you “take time off” you’re not actually taking time off. You’re just pushing off the less important shit to another day/week. I’m tired of responsibility. I didn’t sign up or agree to what was put on me. Shouldn’t I have a say? Why the fuck am I expected to care for someone who made it pretty clear they didn’t want to care for me? My siblings keep telling me that I need to “let go of the past”. Ok, how do I do that? Why don’t they help out when they see I’m struggling? I think it’s because they feel the same way since they went through the same thing growing up. But they live 700 miles away so it’s easy for them to just say “get over it”. Fuck them and fuck this entire situation. There’s an expiration date, I know that but I may reach my own expiration date before then.

This really turned into an unexpected bitch session but it’s where I’m at today and it allows me to put on the “It’s fine, everything is fine” persona to get through another week. I’ll keep going and I’ll keep the walls up and the smile on. I don’t have another option at this point. I’m in it for the long haul.