Another Week Down

I want to write more in general and more so during the week but I just can’t seem to find the energy. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday are my worst days at work. Mostly due to meetings that I absolutely hate going to but have to. Also due to the anxiety I feel about work. I always start to feel better on Thursday around lunch time b/c the last of my “hard” meetings are done with by then. Friday’s I tend to shutdown b/c I’m simply out of energy. It sucks when I actually have to *do shit* that requires my brain. This week there was a security vulnerability released that affected some azure servers I’m responsible for. There’s been meetings all week but thankfully I was in training and missed them but I did have to spin out some code to update a script I wrote a few months ago to manually fix the vulnerability on 100+ servers. Turns out we didn’t even need it but it felt … good(?) … to actually do something like that. I don’t get to do it most days b/c of the stupid fucking recurring meetings that pepper my calendar weekly. It feels like I have to have 10 min before a meeting to mentally prepare myself for the meeting and I’m usually so paranoid about being involved in something and missing or being late for the meeting that I spend an additional 15 minutes watching the clock. I was hoping to stick this new role out for at least a year but at 3 months in I’m already over it.

Anyway, back to the writing thing, I want to write more both here and on my photography blog but I’m just so tired every night that I usually just eat dinner, watch some mindless tv and then go to bed. I know I could make the time if I cut TV out but I just can’t seem to do that. TV has always been an escape for me and once I’m in front of one, especially after work, I’m usually done and can’t focus on anything else. I need to make a more concerted effort to turn off the TV and read something. I’m subscribed to youtube tv and said to myself I was only going to have it for the olympics but then that turned into “just let me check out how football season is going to be this year”. So that also turned into more tv watching on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Thursday. If I’m being honest I just don’t give a shit about football, or really any team sports anymore. I’m setting a goal for tomorrow that I will not watch any TV during the day. I’m probably cheating a bit b/c I won’t really be at home much tomorrow but for the time that I am there I won’t watch anything until the sun goes down.