Something worth mentioning.

This is something I wrote on my old account on OD, rawkes. I wanted to repost it because you can’t really understand me until you’ve read it. Even then you might not understand me, I guess. This story is completely true…it took place my 7th grade year. I haven’t written 8th grade yet, and I’m not sure if I’m going to. I’ve been wanting to continue writing it (I’m so afraid of forgetting) but I just can’t bring myself to. I just want you to understand, I didn’t like him because he was "hot" or some crap like that. And as pathetic as it sounds, he changed my life. Music wouldn’t be the same without him. I’d still be going nowhere, "living the lives of everyone else as my own". He introduced me to true happiness.

This is a story.

Once upon an average time there was a girl. This girl hadn’t felt a passion for anything. She simply lived everyone else’s lives as her own. One time in this girl’s life, she was in a store. While in this store she happened upon a cheap shirt. This shirt was a band shirt. The band was one she had heard one or two songs of, and had seen live (only because this band had opened for another band she actually liked.). But the shirt was in her size, and it was six dollars, so she bought it anyway. The girl had no idea what story that shirt would start, even if the story was all in her head.

The girl wore the shirt on her first day of Junior High, simply because she thought it looked nice on her. Nothing particularly notable happened in the girl’s life for a couple of weeks. She met new people, yet none of them proved to be the kind of new that would affect her life. One day the girl was in one of her classes, algebra, when a boy came up to her with her paper saying, "Hey, you’re —–, right? Here’s your paper." The girl didn’t think much of this, except for being flattered that the boy knew her name when she didn’t know his.

Several nonnoteable weeks passed. Classes were going fine for the girl. She was having fun. She wasn’t aware of what her life was missing. A day came at the beginning of September when the girl’s teacher (the teacher of the class that was previously mentioned) assigned new seating. The girl ended up sitting with one of her old friends, and two boys she didn’t know very well (one of them being the boy previously mentioned).On this particular day, the girl was wearing her band shirt. Since it will become necessary, the band was Jack’s Mannequin. The girl and her friend didn’t pay much attention to the boys until they were packing up for the next class. The two boys were talking, when the girl overheard the boy saying quite audibly," Hey, have you ever heard of Jack’s Mannequin?" While the other boy said no, the girl said, "Jack’s Mannequin? I love them!" They boy smiled, and said, “I know, right? They’re awesome!"

The girl left the classroom and went off to her next class (band). They boy followed. As he did when she went to her next class (P.E.). The girl had four classes with the boy. This made her very happy. Why? She had no idea.

When the girl got home that day, she looked up Jack’s Mannequin. She listened to them for hours and hours. She found herself thinking of the boy as well. There was just something about the way that they were most likely the only people in school that had heard of Jack’s Mannequin that made the boy set up permanent living quarters in the girl’s mind.

Over the next couple of days the girl found herself talking to the boy. She noticed the way that the boy’s dark brown eyes shined when he smiled. She also noticed how when she made him laugh, he would look her in the eyes for awhile, smiling, and then look down, still smiling. The girl eventually went out to buy Jack’s Mannequin’s first CD. She loved listening to it, and later it proved to be her favorite album. One day, the girl heard the boy saying to his friend, "I’m so excited for September 30th." The boy said this the same way he had first talked about Jack’s Mannequin, and even though the girl felt the boy wanted the girl to hear, the girl didn’t know what happened September 30th. Over time, the girl developed many theories. For one, she thought the boy knew her name at the beginning of the year because of her Jack’s Mannequin shirt. She also thought that the boy mentioned Jack’s Mannequin because he wanted the girl to know he liked them too.

Since the girl had become quite a fan of Jack’s Mannequin, she found herself going out to get Jack’s Mannequin’s new album the day it came out. Only then did she realize that it was September 30th that day. The next day, the girl wanted to ask the boy what he thought of the new album, but was too shy. She had no idea why. It wasn’t like she had had any trouble talking to him before. And before she knew it, she didn’t have the opportunity to anymore because she was assigned another seat.

One day, while the girl was bored at home, she thought of an amazing idea. She could learn a Jack’s Mannequin song on piano! The girl found a tutorial for a song called Dark Blue online and began practicing it. Though she hadn’t ever played piano before, she found herself able to play it fluently in no time.

<span style="font-family: Georgia”> During band, the girl decided to play Dark Blue on piano. The boy soon appeared by her side, and watched her play. As soon as the girl stopped, the boy started playing the same song. The girl froze, and felt amazingly numb. "Are you playing Dark Blue by Jack’s Mannequin?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer. They boy smiled, and said, "Yeah. It’s one of my favorite songs." The girl replied with, "Yeah, same here." The girl walked out of the band room smiling, and she had a feeling the boy did too. Over the next couple of days, the girl heard the boy play many sickeningly beautiful Jack’s Mannequin songs on the piano. Each time, she went amazingly numb. The girl never said anything, though. Something always held her back.

The girl found herself missing the boy’s smiles and expressions. Before they had changed seats, the girl had found that she had many things in common with the boy. He read the same books as she did, and watched the same movies. But as you may have guessed, the girl thought the music was the most important. They way she saw it, the music connected them in a way that was much more personal than some movie.

The girl had always been a musician. One of her instruments being guitar, the other oboe. So even before school had started, she had known she was going to guitar club. So finally, the first day of guitar club came. During lunch, the girl found herself extremely excited and in a great mood. She was talking with her circle of friends when she saw the boy. Holding a guitar case. The girl became amazingly happy, enough so to make her friends notice. She was practically in hysterics when lunch was over. They girl’s last classes went by the slowest they ever had. When the bell rang, the girl immediately headed to guitar club. When she got into the classroom, the boy was already there, quietly strumming an acoustic guitar. The girl met the boy’s gaze almost instantly.

The girl took her own acoustic guitar out of its case, and sat directly across the room from the boy. Over the course of that hour, the boy caught the girl looking at him many times, and the girl caught the boy looking at her many times. Unfortunately, the girl only knew a couple of Jack’s Mannequin songs on guitar, but she played them the best she could. That day was the first day that the girl wondered if the boy even felt the connection between them like she did. That day was the first of many others.

The next week at guitar club, the boy was there again. The girl innocently sat playing guitar, the boy sitting in a chair near her. Out of nowhere, the boy got up with his guitar and went over to the girl. Standing in front of her, she said, "Hey, what Jack’s Mannequin songs do you know on guitar?" The girl practically started shaking, and looked into his sparkling brown eyes. "Umm, The Mixed Tape, La La Lie, and I’m learning Hammers and Strings." The boy smiled and said, "Oh, I really like Hammers and Strings." The boy lingered for a moment, and then went back to his seat.

The girl was ecstatic. "Did he want me to teach him something?" She wondered. Regret filled the girl. Should she go talk to him? But what would she say? The girl decided to look through her folder of song tutorials for more Jack’s Mannequin songs. She found a tab sheet for Dark Blue. When guitar club was almost over, the girl stood up, and gathered her courage. Finally she walked up to the boy. "Hey, ——. Here are some tabs for Dark Blue. It’s pretty simple." The girl’s hand was shaking as she handed the music to the boy. She had stuttered a bit while talking to him. "Okay, cool. Thanks!’ The boy said. The girl went home smiling.

The next day was quite amazing as well. The girl was in band, and was just about to leave when she heard him. The boy playing Hammers and Strings, a song she hadn’t ever heard him play before. She stood by the piano for a moment, just listening and feeling numb. Finally, she said, "Hammers and Strings, by Jack’s Mannequin, right?" The boy smiled and said, "Yeah, I love it." And so the girl left, feeling numb and trying to replay the music in her head.

Music was starting to change for the girl. She had always loved it, but lately it just seemed to have new meaning. The girl felt like she actually listened to music now. Sure, her friends all listened to music too, but the girl was certain they didn’t hear beyond the beat and the lyrics. She especially felt this feeling toward Jack’s Mannequin. Some days, she felt so close to the music that it was as if she was living it.

The girl felt that she spent too much time thinking about the boy. The boy was going to a different high school, so she had roughly another year with him. And even though she knew it would never work, she tried listening to different music. Listening to Jack’s Mannequin and not thinking about the boy was impossible. They girl found she quite liked a band called Augustana. She even started to work on playing a song by them on guitar called Sweet and Low. She found it a very relaxing song, much like the others written by Augustana.

  The time for guitar club came again, and even though the girl hated to admit it, she hoped they boy would be there. When the girl stepped into the classroom, she didn’t see the boy. She unpacked her guitar, and started playing. They girl tried to not look at all phased when the boy and his friend walked into the room.

The girl eventually started playing Sweet and Low. At that moment, the boy walked past, stopped, and turned around. "Hey, play that again," he said. The girl didn’t know what to say, so she played it again. The boy smiled at her and said, "Sweet and Low by Augustana, right?" The girl smiled, and said, "Yeah." Then the boy left.

The girl sat there staring at her guitar for awhile, going over the conversation. She was elated. She didn’t care that she had started listening to Augustana to stop caring about the boy. The girl knew that there was no way she was going to just forget about the boy, so she stopped trying to.

Once, the girl heard the boy playing an Augustana song, Boston, on piano, but she didn’t say anything. They boy also kept playing a certain piano riff over and over again, but the girl didn’t know what it was. The riff was beautiful, and oddly familiar, but she knew it wasn’t a Jack’s Mannequin or Augustana song. For awhile, she was desperate to find the song, but was not successful. Eventually, she stopped and just thought of it as the boy’s song. Once, while the boy was playing his song, one of his friends started humming along absurdly. The girl was right by the piano at the time, and smiled at them. The boy looked up from the keys, smiled back at her, and kind of laughed. This made her completely melt inside. After about two weeks, the boy stopped playing his song. For some reason, this bothered the girl. It was if the boy had given up. But what did he give up on?

On one Friday night, the girl was on the internet on MySpace, and decided to go to one of her friend’s profiles that liked Jack’s Mannequin. Suddenly, she froze. His song was playing. The beautiful arppegiated chords. The boy’s song was playing on her friend’s profile. She was suddenly overcome with an emotion she couldn’t describe. It was then that she started crying. The entire song. All eleven minutes of it.

The girl recognized the singer’s voice as the lead singer of Jack’s Mannequin, Andrew McMahon. She had known that he had been in another band before Jack’s Mannequin, but it hadn’t ever occurred to her to look them up. This band was called Something Corporate. The song was called Konstantine.

When the girl first heard Konstantine, something inside her changed. When she had started crying, that had been the first time she had ever cried because of a song. She had been moved by it. It was because of Konstantine that the girl discovered her passion for music.

The next time the girl listened to a Jack’s Mannequin album, she felt an amazing feeling. It was as if the singer’s passion was flowing through her. She felt like she wanted to start singing the song with all of her might. The girl became inspired by crowds at concerts jumping and singing along. The girl also felt an aching need to grab her guitar and start singing along when she listened to music. She wanted people to feel the music like she did. The girl had this crazy idea that a song could change someone. She believed that if people felt the music like she did, there would be a lot less conflicts in the world.

Time passed. The girl didn’t talk to the boy for a long time. She caught his eye ever so often, but always looked away. She missed him. But the question was, what was she missing? Him, or his music? The girl pondered this a lot. She didn’t know if she liked Jack’s Mannequin/etc. because of him, or vice versa. She felt she truly liked the boy. She felt she truly liked the music.

More time passed. Eventually, she changed seats in algebra again. They boy ended up sitting at the table behind the girl, with her friend. This friend had a habit of chatting about the girl. Not in a bad way, though. Recently, the girl had told her friend about how Jack’s Mannequin was opening for another band, The Fray, which was a band she liked also. The girl also told her friend how she might go to one of those concerts. One day, the friend was chatting with the boy when she randomly said, "Guess what? The girl might get to go to a Jack’s Mannequin/ The Fray concert!" The boy replied, "Wow, I love those bands." Later on, the friend started talking to the girl, when she randomly blurted out, "You and the boy would be an amazing couple!" The girl, confused, yet excited, asked why. "Because he likes Jack’s Mannequin and The Fray!" The girl instantly went to her numb state. The girl later found herself hearing a Fray song on piano. I bet you can guess who was playing it.

The girl’s time was ticking. School was almost out, and she wouldn’t see the boy for a couple of months. She hadn’t talked to the boy in awhile either. This was about to change.

The girl was a musician (like previously mentioned) and so were her parents. So when her parents signed her up for something called Honor Band, the girl wasn’t surprised. Honor Band required an audition, so she busied herself practicing. Only a couple of people from her school were doing it. The boy wasn’t one of them. Finally, the day came for the audition. The girl was nervous. In band, it was a mix up day, which meant you could sit wherever you wanted. The girl sat down next to one of her friends. Next to her was an empty seat. Just one. But not for long. The girl was practicing her oboe when she was interrupted, "Hey, is anyone sitting here?"

The girl turned to meet the boy’s sparkling eyes. "Umm, no. Go ahead." She went numb. She wanted to step outside for a moment and jump around screaming. The girl’s band friend stared at her strangely. The girl smiled at her.

Later that day, when the girl was in the car driving to auditions, she didn’t feel nervous. The nervousness was like a ball at the pit of her stomach, and whenever she started feeling nervous, she just imagined her happiness surrounding the ball, and it went away.

The girl did end up getting into Honor Band. Not that that’s a big deal in this story.

Time passed. Faster than ever. The girl saw the boy looking at her ever so often, and she occasionally heard Jack’s Mannequin songs on the piano. It was about a month before the end of school. The last major happening wasn’t exactly major, so you could imagine the girl’s disappointment.

The school band went on a field trip to perform at a college with several other schools. Before the performance, the girl was listening to her iPod and tapping her fingers to the beat in the auditorium. She was totally lost in the music when she noticed the boy walking to her row in the auditorium with his friends. The boy walked into her aisle and was just about to sit next to her when the boy’s friend told the group to sit somewhere else. You could imagine the girl’s disappointment.

And then school ended.

A lot of important things happened in 8th grade, but I’m just gonna say one thing. Towards the end of 8th grade, I’d been wanting to make him a mix. Desperately wanting to. So about two weeks before the end of school, I went on Itunes and made a playlist. I edited it so many times. But it ended up being the best mix I had made. There were 19 songs. I don’t want to list them. I’ll just say the last song was Konstantine. If you’re dying of curiousity, go ahead and ask. I don’t mind. Anyway, I knew I wouldn’t have the guts to give it to him, but I made myself believe I would. I won’t explain the cover, I’ll just say it was easily one of my best drawings. It was called, "A Conclusion." On the inside cover it listed the songs, had a small drawing of a cassette tape with the tape pulled out, and at the bottom said, "It’s like I wrote every note with my own fingers." I didn’t sign my name, but I knew he would know who it was from. I was proud of it. Tuesday morning of the last week of school, I put it in my backpack, lying to myself that I would give it to him. I ended up not doing it that day. I kept it in there on Wednesday, just to humor myself, anyway. During P.E., Kai, Emanuel, and I were sitting on the bleachers. He had left his backpack near mine. It was almost like it was mocking me, saying, "Well, here’s your chance. Too bad you’re a fucking coward." I stared at it for ages. Finally, I opened my backack and looked inside. My mix was there. I sneakily unzipped his backpack a bit. (Kai and Emanuel didn’t notice). Then, using my backpack for cover, I slipped the mix in, zipping it back up after I had done it. I immeadiately felt cold, almost shaking. I couldn’t believe I had done it. I didn’t regret it. I still haven’t. I was ecstatic all through lunch. Arezu didn’t believe I had actually done it. Hell, I couldn’t believe it. Friday morning (the last day), before school had started, I was hanging out in the band room. He was there, too. I was talking to my friends when I heard it. The beautiful arpeggiated chords. Konstantine. I knew he was playing it because of the mix. I knew it. I also knew he knew I had given it to him. He played a couple of verses of it, then stopped. My story was ending before my eyes. It was heart breaking. During lunch that day, my group was kind of near his group. When I was talking to my friends, I randomly looked up to find him staring at me. His expression had a terrible, terrible saddness to it. I’m sure mine did to. That was the first time I held his gaze like that. We kind of just stared at each other for awhile. Then, I looked away.

The End.