My Texts to Caden – Entry 2

These are just the texts I’ve been spamming Caden with while he’s asleep. See my last post as an explanation of what’s going on.

11:45 PM:
“F**k. I’m gonna be listening to our songs. F**k Caden. I miss you. I really don’t want to do this. But its only for 2 weeks.”

12:10 AM:
“I’m kinda fine with this. I mean we’re great as friends, not so great as partners.”

12:45 AM:
“I miss you again, so much. Dude this isn’t okay. I genuinely love you so much Caden. Just promise me we can still have our intimate moments and everything, and still love each other to the fullest. I need you in my life. You’re my everything. I know we aren’t good relationship partners, but we’re amazing friends. I’m so in love with you. I wish we could put that conversation behind us and pretend it never existed, but we can’t. We both know our relationship will never be the same after that if we were to continue dating. Just, promise me you’ll still love me, not platonically. Romantically.”

1:58 AM:
“I don’t know if I’ll get another boyfriend as good as you. You just get me”

2:22 AM:
“I miss you. Caden, I regret breaking up. But I know it was for the better. I love you. So much.”

3:41 AM:
“F**k Caden. I keep looking at pictures and videos, and recalling memories. This is awful. I miss you so much. I f**king hate this. I want you back so badly. I want to fix things. I want to try to push through and make our relationship work. It’d probably be worse. I just want to hold you, to know you’re mine, and to know that nobody else can have you. You don’t understand how much I love you. You mean more than anything. I know I’ve been spamming you all night, and I’m sorry. I just miss you so much. Knowing we will never have what he had before hurts so badly. I hope that in the future we’re able to possibly work things out and start over. But the possibility of that happening is close to nothing. I just want you in my arms, and to kiss your forehead. This whole option one sounded like such a good idea, but it’s really not. I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. I can’t f**king stand it. Knowing that one day, I’ll have to tone our relationship down so much. I can’t handle that. Seeing you with another girl. It literally makes me sick to my stomach just imagining it. I worked so hard to get you back. And now it’s all down the drain. My whole freshman year, basically wasted. All I got was a lesson that only taught me that relationships, in the end, suck, and hurt like a bi**h. I love you so much. I’d do anything for you, Caden. I want you back so badly. But I know you don’t want that. That’s what hurts so badly. Wanting what I know is bad for me. You just made me feel so special. So loved. You know me so well. You get me, you can tell almost exactly what I’m thinking just by looking at me. I can’t see myself having that with anyone else other than you. And that’s what sucks. You’re the only person I could ever see myself with. And I can’t have you. No how much I want and love you and obsess over you. I just can’t have you. It’s so unfair. I’m literally hyperventilating right now. I just want to crawl in your bed and wake up next to you, but I can’t. I would do anything just to see you smile. Just to see you happy. So if breaking up is what we have to do, to make you happy, then it is what it is. I’m sorry Caden. I needed to text you. And i’ll probably keep texting you. You’ll probably wake up with 100 notifications. This is just torture to me. You know basically everything about me. My flaws, my mistakes, my entire life story. You’ve seen me naked. You’ve f**ked me. Knowing you have that power is scary. I doubt you’d do anything anyway. F**k Caden. We promised we’d keep having intimate moments, cuddles, s*x, but it won’t be the same. And when you get over me, I don’t know what I’ll do. Cause there’s no way I’m getting over you before you get over me. You’re probably already getting over me. This sucks man. I wish this was a dream, and I’d just wake up in your arms, and have you comfort me since it’s just a nightmare. You don’t know how desperate I am. I’ve been crying for 2 hours straight. This hurts so bad.”

It’s now 4am. I miss him. He wakes up in 2 hours. I’ll make a post about what he says when he responds