The 90’s…

I find myself being more and more nostalgic about the 90’s lately. It was the last generation not to be inundated with technology. Sure, there were gaming consoles, cell phones, and computers – but these things were still new. Not everyone had one and for everyone it was still something special. There was something extraordinary about it still. There was no Facebook, no social networking. In many ways it was a lost generation. I don’t know. 

I came into my own and grew up in the 2000’s really. I was between the ages of 5 and 15 in the 90’s. Which is alright, but I didn’t get to really soak in the culture of the 90’s. I’m listening to The Smashing Pumpkins now. I saw them last well. Well, really I saw The Smashing Pumpkin. It’s just Billy Corgan now. But I was at least old enough to appreciate them. 

There was a neighbor of mine, Ryan. And Ryan was a few years older than me. He had a computer, a big stereo. He was pretty much the coolest kid ever in my book. I just remember going to his house and always hearing The Pumpkins. I loved it. i didn’t really know anything about music at the time, but I knew I loved it. I was I guess 11 or 12 at the time. 

I had a friend in New Orleans. I won’t mention his name anymore. We’re not friends anymore. I’m sad to say I did him wrong. Over a girl. I guess the "all is fair in love and war" saying comes into play there. But he was about  5 years older than me this guy. He had this group of friends all about that same age. It was the first clique I ever hung around that appreciated the 90’s. It was refreshing and gave me a new perspective on the decade. This same guy bought a clunky old van in the 90’s, packed his shit into it, and moved to New Orleans. I always thought that was cool as hell. To arrive in New Orleans in the 90’s. 

Of course I lived in New Orleans, so I know what the city is like. And I’ve packed all my shit up and moved to a new city without really planning it. That was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. One of them at least. That’s what landed me here in Dallas. I love it here, but lately I feel like I’m wasting away. For the past nearly 2 years I’ve been working a help desk job. It pays the bills. I work with some really cool people. I said I’d never work a help desk job, but this one has been good to me. 

For my first year here in Dallas, I was a madman. I went out all the time. I was meeting tons of people. For the first time in my life I was dating around. A lot of that changed when I met a girl out here. We were together for maybe 6 months. She was wonderful at first and then slowly she just turned into more and more of a bitch, but at that point I loved her, so it took a lot before the relationship ended. But since then my spirit has kinda been broken. Sad but true. I guess I got the relationship I was looking for out here and since then I’ve needed some time to gather myself over the past months. 

Summer is around the corner. I helped… well… I pretty much orchestrated the party that we’re gonna have here at my apartment building. 

I don’t know. I’ve been back into the bodybuilding thing again. Ever since January when I got this wild hair up my ass to become a firefighter. It’s something I really wanted to do and I feel like it’s the first time I’ve really pursued a career outside of IT since I started doing IT. And since I started IT, I never liked it. I just haven’t known what else to do and nothing else would pay the bills like IT. But I have so far passed two written tests and the physical test on the path to becoming a Dallas firefighter. The last two steps are the polygraph and if I pass that I get an interview. But it’s still just an interview. They would have to pick me to fill one of the open slots.

So anyway, my life has been pretty chill lately. I eat healthy. I’m in the gym a lot. Which means I don’t go out much anymore. I don’t drink.

But now I have this thing tearing at me more than ever before. "Book a ticket and just leave." is the saying I heard today. That really resonated me. I love it here in Dallas. It’s been great to me, but I feel like there’s something else out there still. I feel like I need to keep exploring. When I first moved to Dallas, I felt free. I was meeting people. Doing crazy shit. Going on roadtrips around Texas. Now I feel settled and I don’t know if I like it. Sometimes I think I’ll go back to New Orleans, but I have to keep reminding myself that even though I love that city, I already tried it, and it didn’t work out for me like Dallas has. Where else would I go? I don’t know. 

"The more you change, the less you feel." … so true…

I know everyone always thinks the generation that came before them was better. I’m not saying it was any better or worse, but I really wish I was born a few years earlier so I could have fully appreciated this, so I could have been old enough to be at the shows. To buy the albums on release day. 

Tell me this isn’t magical…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAS6daVLT5U