OCD

I have OCD. I’m not sure where to start with this. I’ve always had certain ways of doing certain things that had to be just right. I think I’m gonna go see a therapist about this and have a list ready to show him or her so that I can be properly diagnosed. Even worse I’ve always had a tendency to tell myself to do certain things or to say certain things otherwise I’d have this obsessive thought enter my brain. It could be something simple I’d have myself do or something more complicated, but either way I required myself to do this thing in order to avoid some obsessive thought from entering my head. 

I think that happened recently is that when I moved from one apartment to another, I uprooted myself and all my habits that I had that kept everything in check. I’ve been so stressed out about this the past few weeks. I’ve been in this apartment for about a month and I guess it’s been for the past few weeks that I’ve been really stressed about some things.

The worst thought that I’ve had, that I think is going away, is one that enters my brain every time a new song plays on a CD or whatever. It’s made me do depressed this past week. This thought would enter my head everytime a new song came on. It’s not a nice thought, but it’s made me want to pretty much stop listening to music at times. And for a person whose life revolves around music (I have 1,200 albums), that’s not a good thing.

I’m on the ups, though. I’ve realized what’s going on in my life. I realize it’s not my fault. A therapist and/or medication should be able to help me. I hope. Basically what it comes down to is that for the past 5 years I was able to keep my OCD in check by certain behaviors. And now that I’ve been uprooted from so many things in my old life, I’m having a hard time putting myself back together. I think I’m gonna be okay, though. This past week could have been one of the best of my life, but it’s been the most depressing. I’m gonna defeat this, though. I have to.