Reading other people’s diaries, when…

I’ve been reading some entries for the past 2 hours maybe. It feels nice actually. Don’t feel much in the mood for writing any way. Nothing to special today. Just an other day.

Omg my roommate just texted me I had forgotten the gas stove burning. It goes very low on the opposite side so you can barely see it’s on. Whatever things like this happen. Normally I would have hated my self for something like this. But I’ve learned to deal with them. Just accept them. They happen.

I hate it when my boyfriend teases me. I promised me an i-phone. A used one that belongs to a friend of his. That was like 3 weeks ago. I texted him to ask him about it. He immediately called me back talking to my in child-like voice. You want the phone hey?? I said don’t talk to me like that very seriously. He got pissed. Saying that he can’t even joke with me. Then he hang up saying he had something to do. I don’t care any more. When some thing annoys me I’m going to address it. He has been playing some mind games lately. After I told him that I don’t know if we are right for each other he went crazy. He suggested I talk to my parents about him. He keeps bringing up that he moved forward to finish the divorce with his ‘almost X-wife’ so I left him hanging by saying that I want to brake up. He needs to be married to be safer with his residence card. He wanted to come in the UK. It was his dream. But there is always a price to pay. I don’t know if he really loved her. But he liked her. He was optimistic and felt like he can make it happen. And they would have that happy ending together. With a family and all that. But everything fell apart. They lived together with her parents. How on earth he agreed on that!  Overly optimistic. He has that positive outlook on life that I really like. Pulls me up when I’m down.  But maybe he doesn’t want to put in the work. Or just thinks that the best scenario is the most likely happen. I encouraged him to leave Cambridge and go to Sheffield. I felt it was the next step for him. But things haven’t been working out so far. And its normal. He thought he would find a better job within days. And I thought so too.  I was carried away by his wilfulness  and his desire for change. I hope he learns. I send him some of my thought in some long texts. He said he red them several times.

He went to Manchester today for some paperwork with his friend. He video called me to show me the city centre. It was stunning. Red imposing buildings around the central square. He said he loved it. He changed his mind about it and he would like to stay there. Perfect. Away from his screwed up friends. He likes to think freely. Like he could do anything, go anywhere. Well he is 5 years younger than me. He gives me that freshness and zest for life. But I like to plan things so when his imagination runs a little wild I try to make it all work inside my head. As if it were an actual  plan. But its not. Its just day dreaming.

But I want to dream. I need to dream. Don’t we all? Is this world so unforgiving of my humble dreams?