Light

I think I’m finally seeing my way all the way through and blessedly out of the terrible depression I’ve been in for a good long while now. I’m not sleeping as much, although still quite a bit; I don’t feel as completely hopeless as I had been; and I’m pretty sure I just might have something, maybe even more than one thing, to look forward to some time in the (maybe) not-so-distant future. I don’t know what that might be, but at least I’m anticipating something positive instead of negative, and for the first time in well over three months.

I am not going to say that I’m completely over it; that I’ve passed through the lower end of my bipolar disorder again and, now, everything is all cartoon birds and hearts and flowers. That just isn’t the case at all. But like I said in the first paragraph, I don’t feel as hopeless about everything. And yeah, as I said, too, I’m still sleeping way too much. But you know what? I have three terminal illnesses, have a chronic fatigue/Epstein-Barr diagnosis, and lots of other health stuff beating me down all the time; I’ll sleep if I damned well want to!

I’m going to “run” with this apparent upswing, no matter how small it is here at the beginning. I hope to get back to being more of myself, and soon. But I know from past experience that I have to allow this all to sort out itself, at its own pace and its own level of comfort. But believe me… I’d much rather be waiting, like this, for a positive upswing, than for the next big disaster to befall me, like I was doing before.

Thanks to all who have been supportive and tried your best to understand. I am so grateful for the supportive notes, etc. It helps me to not feel so alone in the world, which is a huge contributor to the depression anyway. So, again… thank you so very much. You know who you are, each and every one of you.