Not The Sort To Cry

I miss the security I’ve never had. Have I ever truely felt safe? I’m either paranoid or insane… I want to know once and for all, what I can do to help myself.

I figure, on the whole, I’m a pretty sorted person. Everyone has off days. I feel more whole now then I ever have before, I think.

I don’t know. I want to feel ok, and I do. I do.

I just feel like there’s something missing.

We can never have it all, though, can we?

Where would be the fun in that? If you have everything, then you have everything to lose. Worse, nothing to gain, nothing to work towards or desire. How dull. They say that happines comes from acheiveable goals.

But I digress.

What I mean is that things aren’t so bad. Sure they’re not great, but when are they exactly? I’m just going to have to get on with living with things as they are at the moment, and times will change. It’s going to change.

Everything’s going to be alright.

But in honest, I don’t know whether I’m just telling myself this, or if I really believe it. I don’t believe it in my heart. I feel like this is going to last forever. Please don’t let this last forever. I want it to be over. I can’t cope. I can’t cope. I want someone to help me. I want someone to look after me. I want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok, because I don’t think I can keep telling myself anymore. Please god let this all just be over now.

-x-