A lil rocky.

Okay, things are a lil rocky.. with everything. Okay, maybe a lot rocky! Uhh, i should write more often becuz i been having so much on my mind.. and it’s driving me crazy. Ill get to that..1st, i wanna talk about my big girl.

Kaydence, 10months old already! Ahhhhhh! Phew, she currently is standing on her own without holding onto things.. and it just amazes me. Like, how fast time have gone by and like how big she is already. She is the smile to my face everyday. She is on her 7th tooth right now, and a hog ((like me)) haha. I give her these little stars.. they are like puff that pretty much disovle in her mouth.. and she grabs a whole handful and shovels it in. LoL.. Its cute!!! I love writing about her, it brings a smile to my face. haha. I was laying with her lastnight, she was passed out sleeping.. and i just like to watch her. I always think about everything i went thru to get her here.. and im so glad i never gave up. She is my special gift from god. He has blessed me with the best gift possible. <3

Which brings me to her birthday. November is creeping up SO fast! Shes gonna be one. Ive been really down becuz im pretty much poor, hardly paying rent these days when its due.. or any other bills for that matter. I feel like im a shitty mom becuz i cant afford to buy her things or plan this huge first birthday. Dont get me wrong, kaydence’s needs are fulfilled completly.. but i just wanna be able to get her nice things. Sighs. I wanna do that for her. I know money and matieral items arent everything, but it would make me feel like a better mom if i could give her things she wants instead of just the things she needs. SO, im looking for a better job!!!!! I have to do it.. and i cant do another yr at my job, it just isnt reliable.

So also, besides being poor and not being able to do anything.. me and bobby have been … blahh. It started pretty much last day in september.. and still. Yesterday we kinda made it known we both wanted to be in this relationship, so thats finally made clear.. but he for what 16days now hasnt came to see me.. like, i dunno.. i just feel crappy over that. I miss him, and it drives me crazy not to see his sexi smile. Im hoping we get it together soon. There’s so much i could write on the bobby subject but im just gunna leave it at that.. its just so much "sadness" i dont want to remind myself of. yakno?! Grrr. lol.

Thats it for now.

<3 Angel