there are ___ days until Christmas

There are *insert number of days* left until Christmas. You see, I don’t even know how many days are left until Christmas. I’m measuring my Christmas in terms of…”okay, I say goodbye to R. on Saturday when he goes home”…and “Next Friday is my last day of school, God I hope it’s half a day like the day before Thanksgiving!”…and “R. comes back on the 30th.”

I’ll miss him.

But be that as it may, life will go on as will I. It’s weird. I like my independence. I like being able to just leave for a Saturday and maybe visit my sister or go home for the weekend and spend a night away from him. Yet at the same time, I miss him terribly when I’m gone. I love and hate this love and need I have for him. It’s all consuming at times.

.

.

.

Christmas shopping. I haven’t done any yet. I’ve been putting it off. Usually I at least have some idea about what I’m going to get people. This year I haven’t a clue. Time has gone by so quickly. I measure things in hours and days. Weekends are gone in a moments notice.

Life has changed.

So much is different.

I’m happy this Christmas. Last year I was so thankful for my family and for the season. This year I am just as thankful, maybe more.

And it feels like I just rambled on about nothing.