endless carols…

I spent all day in a mall. Trying to start and finish my Christmas shopping. And yet, I end up wanting to buy things for me, not others.

Is that a bad thing?

I had a fun time though. I’ve been spending a lot of time hanging out with my older sister. It was so peaceful trying on clothes with her today, joking with her, just having fun doing nothing.

I miss times like that.

I need to start visiting her more and doing things with her. It’s not like she lives that far away. I think as I get older, I get closer to her. For some weird reason.

I’m also starting to get a little bit more excited about Christmas. There are so many little holiday traditions I have with my family. Christmas Eve is always the time I go to my dad’s parents house. My grandmother always has me help cook Christmas dinner–she’s so patient with me. Christmas morning is always spent with my dad and mom and brothers and sisters. Usually after mass, early in the morning, we open presents. Christmas afternoon is spent with my mom’s parents. My uncle. Usually running up to the barn to see Kip. Give him a Christmas hug and kiss.

This Christmas feels so different though. Part of me wants to embrace this year and spend all the time I can with my family. The other part wants to run away and start new traditions of my own.

I’m stuck between the past and the future.

But for now I’m here. Trying to avoid wrapping Christmas cookies and hide from my sister’s call for help decorating cookies. [Some things never change]