away from here.

Take. Me. Away.

I’m cold.

I feel lifeless today.

Sleeping doesn’t even appeal to me.

I just feel sick. I’ve felt this way for three days. I go home on Saturday and hopefully my mom will make an appointment for me to see a doctor. I seriously think I have something. At first I thought it was just depression. But I’ve been depressed before and this feels a bit different.

Maybe it’s Christmas.

Maybe it’s because Rich is gone.

I feel like I’m wilting. At times.

I want to drape myself in my blue blanket and become lost to the world.

I never wanted to be the dependant female. But I miss R. so much now that he’s gone. At times I feel like I miss him more than he ever misses me. I pretend he’s here at times. I sleep next to the clothes he left beside the bed.

They still smell like him.

I want to collapse.

I want to cry.

I want to stop the world and get off.

*

*

*

I was having a drawn-out very long day. Then one of my 7th graders ran up to me with a smushed Christmas card clutched tightly in his hand. And he gave it to me.

Messy though it was, it made my day.

Small things.