Again?

Here we go again. I felt crappy for the last few months. I’m not sure why. Maybe allergy problems, unhappiness stemming from work, the result of not taking care of myself (eating well and such). I have since made a change. I am eating better. The Christmas break from work did wonders for me. Above all I think what has given me motivation and the urge to try for our second child. That makes it seem like we haven’t been. We’ve been trying (not completely seriously, but seriously enough) since July of 2010. I did have one month where I realized I needed to get myself together before fully committing to it when we didn’t try. Now I feel like I am ready again.
 
Part of me doesn’t want the stress though. The waiting for the positive test. I mean, we had been timing things correctly since July and nothing has happened. Prior to our daughter when we tried, it did happen. Almost each time although there were several problems scattered throughout (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy). I want so much to have another child. Not for me, per se. For my daughter. I don’t want her to be an only child. I feel like our little family is not complete. But at the same time, I don’t want to deal with the stress of it all. The “we have to do it now because I had a positive ovulation test” part of it. I want it to be more natural. But my personality doesn’t always allow for that.
I know it will be another HUGE expense. Babies are expensive. Are we financially ready for that? Do I really want another child? I just feel like it is meant to be.
 
Part of me feels it will happen when it’s meant to. I just hope that it’s sooner than later. I want to have my babies now and then watch them grow up close in age.