7 weeks, 1 day

Dear Baby,

You are still with me. I guess with my overwhelming bad luck I feel like something would have happened by now and I would have to not only deal with the emotions of "Oh my God, I’m pregnant!" but "Oh my God, I lost the baby I’ve suddenly become attached to!" I’ve had prior miscarriages and they are painful physically and emotionally. I don’t think you ever truly get over them. But when I’ve had them before, there has always been a mantra in my head that kept me going of "I need to have a baby, I need to have a baby…" It’s like that goal could push the pain away. That’s not there this time. It would be more like God has given me a blessing and now it’s gone. End of story. There wouldn’t be a try again.

There wouldn’t be another you. Because daddy and I have talked and YOU will be the last one. You will forever be my baby.

I still have days when I feel like I have no symptoms. But yesterday, it hit me. Near all day yucky feeling. A slight undercurrent of nausea. The feeling of a dieting woman (never did loose those last ten pounds from Abby) now getting to eat what she wants ( I mean, it’s okay to have a sweet now, right? As long as I label it a craving?) turned into not wanting to look at food. I will think about what to make everyone for dinner on the drive home from work, make it two hours later and then go to eat it and it looks horrible. Or take a bite and feel like vomiting. Any type of meat, especially!, sounds horrible.

Tiredness as well has hit. I’m fine until around 7 or so and then I’m done for. You make me want to sleep constantly. I’m in bed before your three year old sister. Thankfully daddy takes care of putting kids to bed, so that works out for us.

And daddy seems more "with" me this time than when I was pregnant with Abby. That’s a nice feeling. You are still our surprise right now, but this weekend we are sharing you with your grandma and grandpa. Next week starts the endless doctor appointments for you. It’s a "new" OB appointment. I will need their help watching Alex and Abby when I go.

I’m slowly getting used to the idea of being mommy one more time.

And I am beginning to love you lots even though you are only the size of a blueberry and only slightly concrete in my mind right now.

Hang in there,

Mommy