what did i do?

what exactly did i do in a previous life to piss off the world?

did i kick a puppy?  call a baby a bad name? what the hell did i do?

walking between tailgates, having a great day, when i see about 5 feet in front of me, jeannie.  she gives me sort of a half wave, i do the same, trying to avoid eye contact.

i rush to the next tailgate, people are trying to talk to me.  half the group noticed, half the group didn’t.  i say i’ve got to go to the bathroom, go inside the house we’re tailgating at, and lose it.  tears, panic attack, the whole 9 yards. 

that goes on for at least a half hour before people notice i’m missing and come find me and try to talk me out of it.  i didn’t have any ativan on me, i was already tipsy, and feeling like shit.

why, out of the 100,000+ people in that town, of the 6 hours I was out there this morning, to run across one of those people in one street at one particular moment? are you fucking serious?  i think the football gods are out to ruin as many of my good days as possible. 

how the fuck does that happen? SERIOUSLY.

eventually kel and carolyn got me to snap out of it a bit and get back to drinking, but it still had me shaken for the whole fucking day, and it’s a creepy fucking bullshit flashback to last year. 

i’m getting worked up again.  i need to go take more ativan and try and fall asleep.  i’m not feeling very good about myself at all right now.  and that makes me even less happy with me.

FUCKING BULLSHIT.