today (edit)

today was one of those days where everything conspired to make me feel about 2 inches tall.  at work, people were disrespecting me to my face.  i went in with a good mood on, ready to be productive.  i was stonewalled on 4 different projects by people who are too lazy to do their shit, so i can’t proceed on the project.  one thing kept breaking, i kept asking how i could troubleshoot it myself, what i could do to fix it, prevent the problem in the future.  instead i got the "you’re fucking incompetent, wasting my time" attitude.

i went to my boss’s office after having an email ignored for all of friday and most of monday, he was with someone else, so i waited until he was done with that person, he saw me walking towards his door, i started in on my sentence about getting help with a project that only he knows the answer to, he laughed at me, and shut the door in my face.  i’ve never been so angry in my life.  i had to take a walk around the building to avoid losing it on anyone/anything.

then plenty of other stuff that i dont’ feel like putting out in the public sphere. 

i’m not even going to begin to write about the weekend. 

fuck today.  i wish i had someone to make me feel special again.  i miss that feeling.  fuck.

edit: i’ve just been able, in the past three weeks, to find ways to shut off that voice in my head telling me i’m worthless.  having trouble doing that today, and it really hurts. 🙁